No one ever looks in the mirror and says, “I’m a jealous person,” because it implies other people are better than us or that we’re weak somehow, and we’re always trying to protect our egos. 

Because it’s so hidden: jealousy is one of the most destructive problems of all.  I’m so good at pretending I’m not jealous that I can disguise my hate as “criticism” and “observation” and “keeping it real.”  Certainly criticism doesn’t always come from jealousy, but you can tell when it does. 

I can attack someone’s weaknesses and presume a whole bunch of other weaknesses by clever extrapolation all while highlighting my strengths, and this makes me nothing more than a jealous petty little hater. 

During testimony-time at church when everyone is confessing all kinds of drug addictions and sexual deviance, I’ve never heard a single person say, “I’ve destroyed others with my envy.”  No one ever says, “I’m straight up drunk from haterade.”

When you see someone better than you — and we all do — there are two ways to respond.

1) Find ways to downgrade their human value, then rationalize your own contempt as justified criticism.

2) Celebrate their achievements and generously promote their growth while learning from them in humility.

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Anonymous asked:

I’ve read your previous posts about dealing with depression, in which you’ve mentioned that a healthy support network is key to learning how to cope with these struggles. But what if your struggles are pushing your friends away, and if they’ve explicitly told you’re too much to handle? No one wants to be be around such constant negativity, or put up with hours of rants, problems and despair. I’ve stopped answering calls from other people because I don’t want to lose anyone else or be a burden.

 


Dear friend,

Please know that the grace of God is limitless, Jesus welcomes our craziness, and your church is there to serve you and to fight this fight together. 

You should never ever have to feel like you’re weighing down someone else, because that’s one of the devil’s tricks in keeping you isolated from others when there are eager people who want to struggle with you.  It’s the Christian’s privilege to hear you rant, whine, complain, and be real.  If someone has told you that you’re “too much,” that says more about them than you. 

But please also know: Your struggle is not the only thing that defines you and you are more than what you’re going through.

Continue Reading…

 

Someone once told me:

“You’re just a little local pastor at a tiny nowhere church — what do YOU know?”

I wish I could tell you I recovered quickly from this one and made all kinds of God-declarations like “He uses the smallest of us in ways we can’t see” and that I remembered I was uniquely handcrafted by God to serve my corner of the universe.

But I didn’t do this. I was devastated.

I believed what the guy said over what God says.

A little local pastor at a tiny nowhere church.  So what do I know?

The guy was right.  The truth is, I really am a nobody pastor at a tiny nowhere church.  I’ve hardly preached to a crowd of over one-hundred.  I have a modest little podcast and this blog with a few followers, and that’s it. I really don’t know much.

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If you ever met me, you would think I was an extrovert — I preach, I lead praise, I talk to everyone, I talk too much, and you can hear me laughing from across the street — but I am a full-blooded introvert.

If it were up to me, I’d rather be in my boxers all day eating Godiva while browsing food photo blogs and bothering my dog and cracking up at YouTube videos of Whose Line Is It Anyway and leaving dry ironic comments all over Facebook while reading the latest theory on how Sherlock survived the second season finale. 

I intensely guard my personal space and my private life.  It takes a herculean effort to step outside my comfort zone and interact with messy, fleshy, real live human beings.

Here’s how you handle us.

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Ever prayed more for someone just because they’re hot?

Come on, I’ve done that too. Let’s not act like we’re above judging looks here. We give more cred to someone based on their defined jawline and bigger bra size than their less tangible patience and hospitality and compassion.

A very fleshy part of our human nature presumes that good-looking people are also just good, or that less good-looking people don’t really count somehow.

In church it’s easy to ask for prayer requests from the well-off, well-dressed, clean-cut, easily approachable mid-twenties demographic. Not the weird cat lady off the street, not the dude with the one rotten tooth who talks up a storm, not the pale socially awkward kid who says dorky things.

Most Christian books have the same problem: they’re geared to that same easygoing group of believers who attend the same megachurch in a crimeless suburban gated neighborhood with the sparkling 2.5 kids and Hollywood acceptable appearance, but they have nothing to say for the sick struggling screwed-up former addict who can’t find a job because he just “looks wrong.”

Wired into all our unaware brains is the deception that appearance means more than it should: but if I could give you a pair of X-ray goggles, you’ll see a bunch of skeletons with the same hopes, dreams, ambitions, anxieties, and worries that everyone else has too.

That seventeen year old pimply kid who loves Call of Duty is the same bag of meat and bones as the athletic football captain with the perfect hair; that girl who everyone hates because of her so-called overweight body could just as easily have been the same girl with the slightly higher cheekbones who runs the gang of cheerleaders. You can honk your car horn at the punk teenager on his skateboard crossing the street, but wave at the old lady on her walker: when both are just people who run deeper than what you see.

Take a Spiritual X-Ray and we all have the same vacuum of eternity within our souls with the same desperate longing inside. You and I could do way better than our visual addiction to all things sight, and instead see by vision.

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Quote: His Word

June 17, 2013 — 2 Comments


I wish we would take Him at His word. When He says we’re forgiven, let’s unload the guilt. When He says we’re valuable, let’s believe Him. When He says we’re provided for, let’s stop worrying.


– Max Lucado

Grace is both our rest and resolve. Grace restores our broken places while also confronting our sin head-on. Grace meets us in our pain but also revokes our pride. It’s the great equalizer which recognizes our desperate human need.

This is why Christ must be the center of everything, of all we teach and preach. Not our fancy pop-psychology or behavioral checklists. As Paul says, “I resolved to know nothing except Jesus Christ and him crucified … with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.”

It’s only out of gratitude for the grace of Christ that we can really be motivated to follow God at all. The only other option is to beat you down with rules and laws. When you have the security of a never-ending unconditional love, then there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for the one who gave His very life for us. Nothing is off the table for a love like that.

Grace is the unchanging love that changes us; it disturbs our ego and complacency; it is the limitless love that provokes us into the same love. This way takes longer, but its roots grow deeper. It is harder to preach, but its proclamation is what truly transforms.


– J.S.
from this post

Two anonymous questions:

- I went through a tough process of struggling with God to forgive someone who betrayed me. However after we reconciled he openly admitted to his insidious intentions and that he doesn’t care if I’m hurt. How do I deal with this double back stabbing and betrayal?

- I feel completely betrayed by a close friend of mine. I need to process and talk it over with my mentors and pastors. However, I don’t want to commit the same sin she did by slandering. She openly admitted to deliberately hurting me. Part of me wants to expose who she is, but I know justice belongs to Jesus. How do I start to heal?

 

I’m really sorry you have to deal with this and I know exactly how it feels.  There have been people that say “I forgive you” to my face only to discover they were lying right through their teeth.  I was also in a nightmare situation where a former friend acted completely remorseful everywhere else, but in private would give me a wink and imply, “I’m winning.”

Please first allow me the grace to point you to some previous posts:

- Betrayal, Forgiveness, Victory

- Praying For Jerks and Worse

- Forgiving Your Dang Parents

 

The thing is, forgiveness is a messy mucky difficult journey that almost never goes the way we want on either side.  It’s possible that the person who hurt you will never realize what they’ve done — and no amount of persuasion will get them to repent, even if you expose them.

People are self-protective, defensive, complicated, unwilling creatures.  The moment a person feels he or she has done something wrong, suddenly there are a million justifications for why it was necessary.  Everyone has a cover story for their own wrongdoing, which is almost always a lame excuse that wouldn’t hold up two seconds in a courtroom.  But somehow it makes sense inside a person’s tiny self-justifying brain.

You know this because you’ve done it too.

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Adam and Eve were tricked and they turned away from God and realized they were naked and vulnerable. When we read that, I notice a lot of preachers say, ‘They sinned, they disobeyed!’ — which is true. But the reason why Adam and Eve and everyone else sins is not because we’re doing bad things. Sin causes us to do bad things, sure, but it’s not about the external.


We sin because we have a disconnection, not just disobedience. It’s a disconnection from the only one who can give us love and satisfaction, and ever since Adam and Eve messed up, we’ve been looking for God in things that are not God. We’ve been trying to find wholeness in things that can’t fill us. It’s not so much that our sinful behavior is bad, but it’s a symptom of a much larger problem. We were designed for God’s infinite glory, but we’re now trying to find glory in lesser stuff.



– J.S.

Anonymous asked:

Hi, so I am really involved in my church – pretty much the backbone of morning services and publicity stuff throughout the year. I love doing what I do, and feel called to do so, but sometimes I feel so alone in church. Pretty much the only time I get a text, email, or even pulled aside at church is to ask me to do something. I feel like no one cares about me, the person…only the me that does everything. It hurts and I am getting fed up. How do I not feel this way?

 

I’m really, really sorry this is happening, and if I could give you a big hug and then just as quickly drop-kick your pastor, I would.

I realize your church is not evil nor against you nor are they bad people: but you shouldn’t have to feel this way in church.  You do NOT have to think you’re being silly or spoiled or selfish, as if you’re the problem: because you’re not. You’re totally within your right to be loved, served, and encouraged in the body of Christ.

If you haven’t already, please tell your pastor all about these issues.  Don’t be afraid to speak your mind.  Too many of us remain “polite” and play the Nice-Game at the expense of a single real conversation, and we end up regretting all the energy we used to hide the truth. 

Just be honest.  Please charge through any fears or “suburban courtesies” you might have about keeping it real.  You might be surprised at the results.  Most pastors don’t even realize there’s a problem until they’re told straight up: and trust me, a good pastor wants to know the deal.

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Quote: About Hell

June 12, 2013 — 1 Comment


When I’m asked about Hell or God’s wrath, I tell them to check out John 3:17. Even Jesus knew that Hell wasn’t a motivation for people to come to God; it’s never been a fuel for sustainable faith. It only underlines the incredible trade we get with Jesus: our pain for healing, our sorrows for joy, our sin for eternal life.

We can spread around the myth that Jesus talked about Hell more than anything else (he didn’t, it was only 13% of his words), and we can act like total depravity is the entire essence of man (it’s not, if you stop taking Calvin out of context and read Romans 7 or the dang Bible). Or we can admit: we’re all uncomfortable with God’s grace because it’s just so free, so disturbing, so reckless, so amazing. The second you say, ‘What-about,’ then you’re probably afraid of such an unthinkable grace. Yes, He saves us from Hell — but more alarmingly, He saves us to Himself.


– J.S.


If you’re a preacher, teacher, or leader, you’ll be pressured into enforcing a certain kind of moral intensity.  You’ll want more purity, more involvement, more passion, and more dedication out of your people.  Your battle cry will be, “Come on you guys!”

I understand you’re zealous for behavioral upgrades: but this can make you over-eager with all kinds of rabid aggression.

We blur the line between conviction and condemnation, tempted to yell and coerce and twist arms.  It also turns into a secret self-punishment to compensate for our own spiritual stagnancy.  I would know, because I made the mistake of “keeping it real” when I was really just being a pushy, insecure jerk. 

This guilt-driven manipulation can bring short-term change, but it will never become a part of someone.  There’s another way, much slower with more patience and persistence, that won’t bring those quick changes but can eventually find footing in the heart — because grace tenderizes and melts the hardest of us.

So first, five things to adjust.

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Quote: Here, Now

June 11, 2013 — 1 Comment


God is at once bigger than our minds can comprehend and is closer than our hearts dare to believe. He is huge, over all; He is here, right now.



– J.S.

Quote: Free Fall

June 10, 2013 — 1 Comment


I see hundreds of people every week who are not really free but enslaved by a blurry idea of conformity that is never questioned.


I can see it in their eyes: enslaved by beauty, prestige, their boss, their mother’s words from childhood, that bully in sixth grade, a violent relationship, the TV, the inner-loop of self-loathing. They are essentially hollowed out zombies, filled by other people’s visions for their lives.


But I recall a day when I didn’t make up a hundred excuses to be myself. I could leap in free fall out of my comfort zone, NOT because I cared about the results, but because the journey was worth it. To love, to fail, to act a fool: is part of what makes us human.


– from this post

Anonymous asked:

How can I return to my First Love? I feel like I have a really strange struggle: I don’t desire God. I’m not doubting God, but I doubt my devotion cause of my idolatry. I’ve had this problem for a few years: I love reading books on systematic theology and listening to online sermons and serving, but I struggle to read the bible or pray or love God daily. Maybe this is just the curse of a reformed Calvinist (you joke about us all the time lol). I almost want to unlearn everything to love Him again.

 

My very dear, dear friend: welcome to the Christian life.

Let’s tackle this one at a time.  Please feel free to skip around.

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Solitude

June 8, 2013 — 10 Comments

Hello friends! From Monday to Wednesday, June 10-12th, I’ll be having alone time with God at a hotel near the beach. I recently received a new ministry opportunity so I’ll be planning and praying.

I won’t have my phone or laptop. Just a pen, a notepad, and my Bible.

I do have regularly scheduled posts for the days that I’m gone!

Please pray for my safety. Love y’all!

– J

Church: Keep Afloat

June 7, 2013 — 15 Comments

Your church can be ridiculously frustrating, and you’ll want to give up and walk out and say you were right about them the whole time.

I know you’ve probably had a million ideas they didn’t listen to, and you want worship to be deeper, the Bible studies to be harder, the activities to tone down, the atmosphere more gracious, people more real, the pastor to be more serious or more in-depth or more thoughtful or more attentive. You want more missions, more conviction, more change, more open dialogue.

But please, please, please hang in there.

You’ve probably been trying for a while. I know it hurts to not be heard, to see others halfway committed, to hear the stories of two-faced lives.

Please consider that the “hypocrite” might be someone on their first lap of faith, and they just don’t know yet, and not everyone is paced at your speed. Consider that your pastor has a vision that he is desperately trying to tie together across dozens of conflicting opinions. Consider that what you feel are glaring flaws in your church are NOT sins against anyone, but simply a preference that rides against yours.

Church is exactly the place for you to endure through disagreement and discontent: because it teaches us patience when nothing goes “your way.” It doesn’t mean we remain complacent as things unfold: but that we extend grace for the growing pains of our church body, and we offer solutions lest we become part of the problem.

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If we start dismissing people as incapable of change, we’re also suckerpunching the sovereign grace of God. There are some really difficult people in this life, but in God’s unfolding story, you and I were just as selfish, stubborn, prideful, and hurtful until His love knocked us out of our self-glorifying orbits into His Glory. I’m eternally grateful for that, and if God could love a dude like me, then surely I want that for these other dudes too.

– from this post



To glorify something is to throw your entire weight into that particular thing, and it’s also to say to the world that it is critical to your existence. When you glorify something, you’re telling other people, ‘This is giving me meaning and value and affirmation.’ So if God already has all the glory: it only makes sense to glorify Him. It’s the single most important thing you could do with your life.


J.S. from this message

Anonymous asked:

Does God answer petitionary prayers? If so then how does He go about answering them? It seems like the most obvious thing to do is get up and do something about it instead of praying to God about it. Petitionary prayer almost seems like an unnecessary waste of time when it is so much more efficient to get up and do something. Also it seems like God would have more reasons to not answer our prayers given our sinful nature.

 

Like Forrest Gump once said: I think it’s both.

I often see a false dichotomy between two biblical ideas that, plainly speaking, says more about our un-nuanced black-and-white 3 lb. brain than anything about the Bible. When my stupid human categories can’t fit something, I tend to run to one extreme or another. It leads to wildly unbiblical conclusions.

We do this with a ton of stuff:

- Predestination Vs. Free Will

- My Politics Vs. Your Politics

- Effort Vs. Legalism

- Grace Vs. Truth

- Receiving the Rebellious Vs. Religious

- Evangelism Vs. Discipleship

- Technology/Fog Machines Vs. Hipsters/Beards

 

People often are incapable of holding two extremes in balance together, but this is exactly what the Christian is meant to do: to hold such amplitudes in tension that a third unpredictable way is created. It’s almost never either/or, but usually both/and. This is why most mature Christians have hard-to-pin political views and theological opinions — because no Christian should ever be a carbon copy clone.

All that to say: Prayer is just as much trusting God as it is moving forward into where God is working. There is NO false split between prayer and action. The godly person prays AND acts.

It’s like the single girl who is patiently waiting for a man to fall out of the sky. Patience doesn’t mean “Let go and let God.” It also means getting into a scene where meeting a godly guy is more likely to happen: and that’s totally okay.

We are active participants in the Story of God, and we’re called to ask just as much as we’re called to act.

If you read verses like Philippians 4:6 about prayer and petition, there is a ton of context that sandwiches these verses which talk about action. Prayer is our conduit to the Giver of all our strength to move from step to step: to be thankful, to repent, to learn, to be restored to what is better.

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In Bible study, sometimes a well-meaning gentleman will use this logic:

If you don’t have joy and peace and compassion in your life, what does that say to others about Jesus?

I understand this sort of thinking.  I know we’re supposed to be witnesses to the world about how God flexes His power through us, and often our lack of unity looks like God doesn’t make us any different than anyone else.

But some days — I just want to flip a table and kick a trashcan and race a cop car and jump out a window and tell everyone that I hate my life right now and I don’t really feel like repping Jesus everyday, and that it probably won’t get better if you tell me that I need to be a “better witness.”

I totally get that we’re called to bear fruits and endure patiently and other Christianese things like that, but it sort of shuts down my need to be honest and vulnerable and real with other people. 

So then I just fake it, and that’s no good either, and I end up feeling like a failure whenever I read that bumper sticker, “If you were on trial for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”  I mean like jeez, I guess not if you put it that way.

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The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. How would I ever get on in the world? Herein lies the real place of Christian scholarship. Christian scholarship is the Church’s prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close. Oh, priceless scholarship, what would we do without you? Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God. Yes it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament.


– Søren Kierkegaard