Question: When Friends Replace Friends and Dis-Invite You

Anonymous asked:

My friend leaves me out and seemingly purposefully planning things without telling me. We have a mutual friend, every time I will hang out with her the next day I find out my friend has planned something with that same person without me. I try my best to invite her everywhere and I forgive her constantly. She’s admitted she finds herself very selfish. I pray for her. I just want to know how to stop feeling bitter when she is so negative and how to respond to her negativity.

Hey my dear friend, I’m really sorry this is happening.

I know it sucks to be left out of things, especially when it involves mutual friends.  As embarrassing as it sounds, it feels like you’re being cheated on, and it’s a legit feeling.  I will not attempt to smooth that over or water down how you feel.  But I will say: that feeling will get toxic if you’re not sure how to handle it.

I wrote something on this over a year ago that I’d like to quote here:

The hard truth is that friendships can change, sometimes overnight, and can drift apart for no other reason than time or life.  Whether or not you’re actively being “replaced” or the seasons just turn, people move on with or without each other.  It’s not that they’re your enemy, but that life happens.  I do believe in lifetime enduring friendships, but they are a rare bonus blessing that requires a near-perfect mix of variables to work.

While I completely understand your fear of losing a friend … it can imply ownership or possession or obsession. It can be very unhealthy.  Often the “fear” of losing a position with your friend is nothing more than Satan or sin wedging a rift between you two when there really isn’t one.

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