Tag: marriage

The Weird Subculture of “Christian Dating”

Anonymous asked:

How do you feel or have personally experienced the Christian subculture’s treatment or approach towards dating/courting/romantic relationships?

 

You know, I had really bought into the modern “Christian” idea of dating because it appeals to the legalistic Pharisee in all of us.  It’s not all bad, but it often results in a panicked paranoia about the opposite sex that leads to unhealthy self-slavery.

Basically, the Christian subculture of dating says:

– Don’t date.

– If you date, do “courtship,” which is dating only for marriage.

– The warning: if you decide to date, you give your heart and soul away.

– If you break up, you’re practicing for divorce.

– Sex is bad, filthy, gross, and disgusting.  So save it for marriage.

 

The thing is, I completely understand this rigid idea of dating.  It’s a reactionary philosophy to all the messed up Hollywood values perpetuated in dumb romantic comedies.  So to the average Christian, it makes sense to “only date for marriage” and “guard the pieces of your heart.” 

But the opposite of one idea doesn’t make a good idea.

To unabashedly quote myself, this is essentially what “Christian” dating is saying:

Screw all those people who have a traumatic past of dating because they’re obviously evil serial daters and life is black-and-white and there’s no hope for people who have given away pieces of their purity.  Just line up all your ex’s in a room and look at how dirty you are.  Jesus can restore broken people to a brand new life, except if you dated some loser who played your innocence and stole your childhood when you didn’t know any better since Freud says that’s subconsciously all your fault.  Sorry, Jesus saves — his salvation-juice for only the good people.

 

I absolutely believe that we should be careful about who we date and to set high standards for it.  You should never have to settle for less than what you feel you deserve.  There should definitely be safe physical boundaries, and yes, sex is awesome and it’s only awesome within marriage.

BUT: We need to relax a little here.

Continue reading “The Weird Subculture of “Christian Dating”” →

Four Simple Ways To Prepare For Married Life

Though I am yet unmarried, there are a few things I’ve been doing to get ready. They’re simple, effective, and build the maturity that we all need.

Continue reading “Four Simple Ways To Prepare For Married Life” →

Quote: Bride and Groom


Men, you’ll never be a good groom to your wife unless you’re first a good bride to Jesus.

— Timothy Keller

Four Obstacles To Break On The Way To A Breakthrough

All kinds of motivational literature are good at telling you what’s good and bad. The church is great at beating the dead horse of consequences, drenching it in lighter fluid, and lighting it with napalm. We get it. Sin bad, God is good.

You might as well describe the water that the person is drowning in.

There are always real obstacles in the way of breaking free to a breakthrough. Like spiritual blocks that cut the momentum. What might not seem like a big deal to you might be a big deal to them. Because not everyone thinks like you. This is where it gets messy, messed up, and it’s not so black-and-white. Moving forward is not a straight line, and “sanctification” is less of a light switch than it is a journey.

God understands this and wants to break down each obstacle in the way, one at a time, until you can step forward unburdened by blind spots and dead weight. None of these obstacles make you a bad person, but just misinformed. Jesus didn’t come to make you “un-bad” anyway. He came to give you True Life.

Here are four obstacles to tackle to really break through to the other end of God’s vision. These things are not your fault, but you can choose not to wallow in them.

Continue reading “Four Obstacles To Break On The Way To A Breakthrough” →