My Book on Relationships Is Only 99 Cents!


My book on relationships is on sale for only 99 cents this week. The ebook works on every device. The paperback is still only 8.99.

Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 3 called “The Scary Anxious Pursuit of The One.” Here’s a seminar I did on dating in California here. Also some quotes from the book:

– When you can let go of the idols of relationships, wealth, intellect, success, beauty, and career: you can actually enjoy them for what they are.  You don’t expect salvation or redemption from them.  You don’t crush them with expectations or demand them to serve your every whim.

– Love does not pamper. It prunes and perfects and pursues. It is a sweet embrace and a sanctifying chisel.

– We often demand of people what only God can give us — encouragement, affirmation, strength, motivation — and we end up wringing others dry.  If you drink deeply of Him first, you’ll be less controlled (and controlling) by your expectations, and you’ll actually seek others not to squeeze from them but to encourage them by your overflow.

– Please don’t allow singleness to rush you into being not-single. Take as long as it takes.  Relationships are hard work. Pursuing anything goes beyond our idealistic hologram picture into a gritty, sweaty, pulsing reality that requires our everything.God might or might not send someone to you tomorrow: but so long as you’re pursuing God, you might hardly notice. That’s a good thing.  Find Christ, you find yourself, and maybe you’ll find someone else.

– Romance is wonderful, but it’s one of the many things that actually points to the Creator of everything, just as a strand of sunlight points back to the author of the sun. The heat of romantic emotion is a window into the Eternal Romance that you were made for.

Purchase here. Be blessed and love y’all!

— J.S.

 

A Video of My Wedding.


A short video of our wedding at the Rusty Pelican in Tampa, FL. Wedding photos here and engagement photos here. We just had our one year anniversary. I also proposed two years ago on Valentine’s Day. Quite an adventure, it’s been.
J.S.


The Weird Subculture of “Christian Dating”

Anonymous asked:

How do you feel or have personally experienced the Christian subculture’s treatment or approach towards dating/courting/romantic relationships?

 

You know, I had really bought into the modern “Christian” idea of dating because it appeals to the legalistic Pharisee in all of us.  It’s not all bad, but it often results in a panicked paranoia about the opposite sex that leads to unhealthy self-slavery.

Basically, the Christian subculture of dating says:

– Don’t date.

– If you date, do “courtship,” which is dating only for marriage.

– The warning: if you decide to date, you give your heart and soul away.

– If you break up, you’re practicing for divorce.

– Sex is bad, filthy, gross, and disgusting.  So save it for marriage.

 

The thing is, I completely understand this rigid idea of dating.  It’s a reactionary philosophy to all the messed up Hollywood values perpetuated in dumb romantic comedies.  So to the average Christian, it makes sense to “only date for marriage” and “guard the pieces of your heart.” 

But the opposite of one idea doesn’t make a good idea.

To unabashedly quote myself, this is essentially what “Christian” dating is saying:

Screw all those people who have a traumatic past of dating because they’re obviously evil serial daters and life is black-and-white and there’s no hope for people who have given away pieces of their purity.  Just line up all your ex’s in a room and look at how dirty you are.  Jesus can restore broken people to a brand new life, except if you dated some loser who played your innocence and stole your childhood when you didn’t know any better since Freud says that’s subconsciously all your fault.  Sorry, Jesus saves — his salvation-juice for only the good people.

 

I absolutely believe that we should be careful about who we date and to set high standards for it.  You should never have to settle for less than what you feel you deserve.  There should definitely be safe physical boundaries, and yes, sex is awesome and it’s only awesome within marriage.

BUT: We need to relax a little here.

Continue reading “The Weird Subculture of “Christian Dating””

“When Pastors Give the Sex Talk”



An article by Jay Thomas from The Gospel Coalition.

Talking about sex in church — how to and how not to.

Excerpt:

“A little more than a year ago I was a college pastor. The topic of dating, purity, and romance seemed to be an ever-present area of commentary, question, and struggle. (Many of my former students are smirking right now, thinking that I am the one who kept bringing it up.) As I prepared to teach a series on romance, dating, and marriage, I was taken aback by the lack of theological depth among evangelicals on this topic. Many books and essays (on the left) properly noted that dating cannot be found in the Bible, but then wrongly concluded that therefore the Bible has nothing conclusive to say on this topic.

Bearing these challenges in mind, here are some preliminary suggestions on how you can keep your sex talk fresh.”

Continue Reading at The Gospel Coalition


Read Related:
– Question: Premarital Sex Is Bad?
– Question: What about oral sex?
– Question: How To Get To Know The Ladies (The “Christian” Way)
– Question: The Weird World of Online Dating
– Question: What do you look for in a future spouse?