I trusted my guilt, my shame, my self-pity to move me.
I grit my fists, clenched my teeth,
I reached for the person I should be.
Yet I could not be shamed into change, because it only re-arranged my behavior. I could not fundamentally break my ego, for I was only restraining my nature.
I needed a new heart, a Savior.
Grace caught me: by faith, He had already raised me, and had moved me far much more than I dared to believe.
For I forgot the price of grace to bring me back, grace that cost His hands and feet.
I dared for a love stronger than all my shouting, my sickness, my shadow in the mirror.
A love busting at the seams of my heart, a new heart –
– a love that loosened my fists and my failure.