Sexual Temptation Vs. Christianity: A Conversation With Yumi About Sex, Singles, Marriage, & Faith


An interview by Yumi about Sexual Temptation Vs. Christianity and the extreme difficulty (and freedom) of the Christian sex ethic, for singles, dating, and married couples.

This is a portion of the interview (plus a little awkward extra at the end). The full 30 minute version is on Yumi’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sK9Uo-yhp8Y

Subscribe to Yumi! https://www.youtube.com/user/yumigirlofficial

The post mentioned in this interview by Gothic Christian –
http://gothicchristian.tumblr.com/post/129744315870/you-dont-have-a-right-to-sex

Subscribe to my channel here! https://www.youtube.com/user/jsparkblog

The Truths and Myths of Christian Dating and Relationships

julettejoonengaged-073


Hello wonderful friends! Here’s a seminar that I gave in San Jose, CA about the truths and myths of dating & relationships within both the church-culture & pop-culture. Stream below or download directly here.

Some things I talk about are: “The time I overheard a couple have their final knock-down drag-out fight, my absolutely favorite type of scene in the movies, what everyone really wants in the hospital, dating theology from Taylor Swift, when God looks at you through the ceiling, and Christianity according to a cologne sample.”


I also did a follow-up Q&A which you can stream below or download here.


Some of the content is from my book on relationships.
Be immensely blessed! — J.S.


Photo from my engagement shoot, by Angel He Photography

The Revised Edition of “What The Church Won’t Talk About”


My first published book What The Church Won’t Talk About has turned a year old, and for its anniversary I’ve made a revised second edition with over 16,000 words of new content, plus a new cover. The paperback is here and the ebook is here!

The Foreword is by the amazing T.B. LaBerge and the updates include topics like marriage, ministry, social media, race, career, and fighting depression. The first edition is still available here.

The rest of my books are here.
Be immensely blessed and love y’all!
— J.S.


Singleness Is Not Waiting For “Completion”


Singleness doesn’t define your value, ever.

What exactly is “singleness”? I wish we would stop defining things by the absence of something else. Being single doesn’t mean you’re somehow “incomplete” until someone else completes you. Let’s pause to consider that even the idea of singleness is false at its best, and oppression at its worst.

In the first century, Apostle Paul wrote 1 Corinthians 7 specifically to address single people. To paraphrase, he said, “If you want to get married, good. If you want to stay single, good, and it could be better.” To you, this might sound ordinary. But at the time, it was a loaded bombshell. This was actually an entirely revolutionary view of sexuality that had been previously unheard of.

During Paul’s life, the Emperor of the Roman Empire was actually charging a fee for the unmarried because it was considered bad for the economy and the family (never mind that Caesar was already bad for both). Being married with a family was considered the gold status of society, and a single person could only have been a widow or prostitute; there was no middle ground.

So Paul comes along, and moved by the Spirit of God, completely wrecked the whole idea of family and marriage and singles. Though marriage is desirable, it’s not a “state of completion,” and we have an entire church of brothers and sisters in Christ who are meant for deep soul-community, for both singles and couples. Paul legitimized singleness as an absolutely acceptable life-choice, but more than that, said it can often be better for carrying out God’s mission on earth (1 Cor. 7:29-35). Paul himself was single, which itself would’ve been quite a scandal.


— J.S.


About Purity, Prayer-Sex, and Looking Past A Person’s Looks

Three questions about dating and relationships!

y-a-h-w-e-h asked a question:

What is prayer-sex (and why is it a sin)?

Continue reading “About Purity, Prayer-Sex, and Looking Past A Person’s Looks”

New E-Book on Quitting Porn

Cutting It Off


Here’s my newest book on breaking porn addiction!
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QE2M6N2

This is a very short e-book about how I overcame a fifteen year porn addiction. I’ve now been sober for over three. Whether you’re helping a friend or struggling yourself, regardless of gender or faith, this is how to quit porn: not just for weeks at a time, but for good.

Only $2.99! And you won’t need a Kindle, it works on everything.
Be blessed and love y’all!
— J.S.


Be Rocked By Grace, Dear Friends

Instagram books 2


Love y’all and may you be totally rocked by His wonderful wild grace!

My books are on Amazon for less than nine dollars and the e-books are four!

What The Church Won’t Talk About

The Christianese Dating Culture

– J.S.


Christianese Dating: The Adventure of Dating and The Reality of Relationships

Christianese Dating Logo


Hello beloved wonderful friends!

This is a seminar I gave on dating and relationships to a wonderful ministry of college students and young adults in Gainesville FL, aka Gator Town.

It’s called The Adventure of Dating and The Reality of Relationships. It’s about the exciting prospect of dating and the gritty, difficult, raw reality of relationships. Stream here or download directly here!

Some of the content is from my new book on relationships called The Christianese Dating Culture.

Some things I talk about are: The romantic theology of Taylor Swift, that time I overheard a girlfriend catching her boyfriend with another woman, two soldiers at war gossiping about the Kardashians, the best Christian pick-up line ever, the gritty raw painful sweaty work of theater actors and ballerinas, the difference between “Saving Private Ryan” and “The Hurt Locker,” three directions that every relationship takes, if my fiancé gained 200 lbs, the scary anxious fear of marriage proposal and possibly hearing “Nope,” and a Q&A Session including the truth about “wives submitting” and how to find “The One.”

Be blessed and love y’all!

— J.S.


Thank you, Lauren Britt!


The wonderful Lauren Britt of yesdarlingido wrote the Foreword to my new book on dating and relationships! So thankful for you, Lauren!

Pick it up on Amazon in either paperback or e-book! If you’re blessed, please consider writing an honest review. 🙂

In the book, some things I talk about are: The weird neurotic subculture of dating in the church, Joshua Harris and courtship, Taylor Swift’s sexual theology, how we give more attention to “attractive people,” my friend failing her first Beauty Pageant, that icky moment when you play a song you wrote in front of your friend while making eye contact, the lies about lust and purity, feeling like it’s “too late” if you already messed it up, recovery from my fifteen year porn addiction, the time I tried to kill myself over a girl, and the painful non-romanticized journey of getting engaged to be married.

Be blessed and love y’all!

— J.S.



Pick it up on Amazon for only 8.89!


The Christian Life Isn’t What We Run From.


The Christian life can’t just be about running away from sin: but is ultimately about running to Him.

That means finding His mission, His purpose, and His heart for you. It means asking for His wisdom in how to discipline yourself, to be shaped by His truth, to be restructured in His image. It means bonding with other like-minded individuals to live out your God-given calling. It’s so fully experiencing the love of God that you are shaken down to your very core, melted and tenderized by His grace to never go back, but only pursue Him forward.



— J.S. from The Christianese Dating Culture


Alex Koo’s Book Review of The Christianese Dating Culture

Alex Koo Christianese Dating Review


Thank you again for the review, Alex Koo!

Also up the rankings on Amazon. Very honored and humbling to see my book up there with some of the greats.  I quoted both C.S. Lewis and Francis Chan as well. The book is on Amazon now in both paperback and e-book!

Be blessed and love y’all!

— J.S.



My E-Book On Sale For $1.99 For Just A Few More Days!

JS Park Kindle books sale


Since my e-book’s been on sale, it climbed to ranking #4 in both of its genres!

It’s still on sale for 1.99 for just a couple more days!

http://www.amazon.com/What-Church-Wont-Talk-About-ebook/dp/B00NYR9SGS

— J.S.


My E-Book Is Still On Sale For Only $1.99!


My e-book What The Church Won’t Talk About is still on sale for only $1.99 and climbed up to #4 and #5 in their genre ranking on Amazon!

If you’ve been blessed by the book, please consider writing a review on Amazon! They will definitely help out.

Be blessed and love y’all!

— J.S.


How To Stop Lust (Lust Is NOT The Problem: It’s Us)

So many men are trying to overcome lust and porn addiction and fantasizing — but the bad news is, we will fail.

The thing about stopping lust is that we can’t just “stop lust.”

That’s impossible.  You might as well try to bite your ear or benchpress an airplane.

Besides: what you’re experiencing is probably not lust, but just your hormones and desires and natural human design.  There’s nothing wrong with that, at all.  We were made to have attraction and chemistry and romance and get married and have sex and make babies.  To suppress that is to undermine our humanity: and God wants to make us more human, not less.

 

Actual lust is when you’re excessively orbiting around the objectification of another human being.  It’s when natural desire becomes impersonal impulse. It’s to consider flesh as your mental play-toy and physical receptacle.  It uses and abuses.  It dehumanizes. 

But lust is not just a bad organ that you can cut out of your body.  Lust problems are indicative of a much bigger picture.  It’s a systemic widespread issue that is connected to all the areas of your life.  It’s wrapped up in who you are.

If you spend money like crazy, wake up in time for dinner, twist the truth to manipulate other people, show up late to everything, never listen to anyone, never put in effort anywhere, and push your agenda everywhere — then you will inevitably be a more lustful person. I would know, because I was like this.

If you live an undisciplined life: I wouldn’t expect that lust would be easy to control.  Whatever we choose to orbit, this fundamental axis will also determine our thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes.  Each facet of your life is so interconnected that if you move one, the others must follow.

Continue reading “How To Stop Lust (Lust Is NOT The Problem: It’s Us)”

Porn Addiction, Part Five: Quitting Isn’t Enough

An ongoing discussion about victory over sexual addiction.

The introduction here.

Part Two, the science, here.

Part Three, the soul, here.

Part Three and a half, the soul, here.

Part Four: I’m Ready To Cut It Off. Here.

I call myself a recovering porn addict, but I’m much more than that.

When we identify ourselves by what we are not, we hardly know where we are going. When you finally quit porn and you’re cheering your new journey and sharing with people who are rooting for you, then when you fall again it can be even more devastating than before.

I thought I had this, you might say. And it’s back to binging, self-loathing, and might-as-well resignation to your addiction.

What happens to so many Christians is not a spiritual downfall to lukewarmness, but an incomplete picture of God’s Epic Story.

We are saved by His Grace — but that’s not the end. We are saved from something towards something better.

And if you want even half a chance of defeating porn — of sin and Satan and the grave itself — you’ll need to know not only what you’re called from, but what you’re called to.

So then, three things you must know in destroying your porn addiction once and for all.

Continue reading “Porn Addiction, Part Five: Quitting Isn’t Enough”

Quote: Individualism


Based on our research, I also worry that some of the Christian community’s teaching on abstinence focuses too much on the personal, individualist benefits of delaying sex until marriage. I am certainly not questioning the motives of those who urge the next generation toward sexual purity but I do wonder if some of the methods reflect a mindset influenced by individualism. ‘Save yourself for marriage and have fantastic sex with one partner, the way it’s meant to be. Sex as God intended will blow your mind. Be safe; avoid the risks of STDs and an unwanted pregnancy. Think about your future.’ Much of the abstinence messaging, however well-intended, capitulates to culturally cultivated individualism: sex is about me.

— David Kinnaman

“When Pastors Give the Sex Talk”



An article by Jay Thomas from The Gospel Coalition.

Talking about sex in church — how to and how not to.

Excerpt:

“A little more than a year ago I was a college pastor. The topic of dating, purity, and romance seemed to be an ever-present area of commentary, question, and struggle. (Many of my former students are smirking right now, thinking that I am the one who kept bringing it up.) As I prepared to teach a series on romance, dating, and marriage, I was taken aback by the lack of theological depth among evangelicals on this topic. Many books and essays (on the left) properly noted that dating cannot be found in the Bible, but then wrongly concluded that therefore the Bible has nothing conclusive to say on this topic.

Bearing these challenges in mind, here are some preliminary suggestions on how you can keep your sex talk fresh.”

Continue Reading at The Gospel Coalition


Read Related:
– Question: Premarital Sex Is Bad?
– Question: What about oral sex?
– Question: How To Get To Know The Ladies (The “Christian” Way)
– Question: The Weird World of Online Dating
– Question: What do you look for in a future spouse?


Question: Porn Killed My Feelings For God, Now What?

Anonymous asked:
I am in a rut. I have been trying to deal with some sexual immorality, and I had been changing, turning to God in my temptation, until recently I went on a mini sin spree. I am talking about several things, porn, masturbation, ect. So now as I try to start over, I don’t really “feel” god. I feel no connection to him, it is hard to pray, ect. But, I want to still obey him and act in a way that is pleasing. So how can I make modifying my behavior about HIM when I can’t exactly “Feel” him?

You said an interesting thing there that pretty much nails the real Christian life: You don’t “feel” God but you still want to obey Him and please Him. That sounds just about right.

Should I only be nice to children and not punch them when I “feel” like it? Should I not do 150 in a school zone unless I “feel” like it? You see where I’m going there. Your fear is that just obeying God will only be a religious, duty-like, Pharisee-esque behavioral modification. But that’s a lie that the postmodern church has slammed over and over. Once again, effort is NOT legalism.

Continue reading “Question: Porn Killed My Feelings For God, Now What?”

Porn Addiction, Part Four: I’m Ready To Cut It Off

Edit: November 16th, 2014
– There will be an e-book with all the material on quitting porn, updated and edited, in the first week of December 2014. It will be $2.99 on Amazon!

An ongoing discussion about victory over sexual addiction.

The introduction here.

Part One, excuses and myths, here.

Part Two, the science, here.

Part Three, the soul, here.

Part Three and a half, the soul, here.

Part Four: I’m Ready To Cut It Off. Here.

Part Five: Quitting Isn’t Enough. Here.

So you’re ready to quit porn. You’re tired of the bleary-eyed, bloodshot, guilt-choked, late-night excursions, tired of the excuses and rationalizations and filthy mental loops, tired of feeling disgusted with yourself at church and with your mom and after a retreat and anywhere near children. You’re done.

Let’s ask: How serious are you about this?

Do you really understand that running back to porn to solve your angst or fill your boredom or release your tension is no longer a viable option? That you must absolutely, unequivocally, once-and-for-all never look back to porn? That’s scary for some people. Like cutting off a limb or moving halfway around the world. But if you’re ready to quit, there can be no room for thinking it’s optional. As of quitting, you are dead to porn and alive to Christ.

This is where addicts get stuck. In the back of every self-deceived mind, buried deep under religious behavior and emotional promises, is still the root of the problem: self-worship. We desperately wrestle for control over our options. We maintain a tenuous connection to what destroys us because we cannot — will not — imagine life without it. We hate enduring the pain of withdrawal. We love too much the ten second pleasure of a visual buffet even if it costs our sanity.

Short-term thinking, however, always short-circuits the human life. When you cannot let go of what controls you, you have become less human, not more.

If you’re not serious about this, don’t waste time finding out how to quit porn. I’ve wasted a lot of other peoples’ time in the same way. I knew all the right methods, techniques, reasons, and theology to quit porn in my own strength. They didn’t work. I had to make a final, final, final decision. Long-lasting change did not happen until I grew serious about my true identity in Jesus Christ. If you don’t care about that, there’s no point in quitting anyway.

So first get serious about quitting before you find out how to quit. And know that you can’t merely quit from porn, but move to and by the grace of God.

You must also know, as I’ve said many times, that effort is not legalism. The journey of grace in Christ will require some sandpaper sculpting, crazy chiseling, painful spiritual surgery, and yanking out every fiber of deeply rooted filth through the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s not easy, and you can’t just pray it away or “think harder” about the Gospel. You wouldn’t do less than that, but it’s concurrent with your striving. The Gospel says it is finished, but do everything to stand. Know God’s promise, but make every effort for holiness. Know the Kingdom of God has already come for you, but make every effort to enter through the narrow door. Apostle Paul already had the prize of Christ, but says, “I beat my body to make it my slave.” Of course we rest in what Jesus has done, but a truth faith is a faith that works.

If you’re serious, let’s get started. This will be quite long so please read it in spurts or when you’re in that right mood.

Continue reading “Porn Addiction, Part Four: I’m Ready To Cut It Off”