speaktenderly asked a question:
Since your porn addiction and recovery, do you have freedom in the way you see women now? Are you still affected by objectifying thoughts? I ask as I am a woman, discouraged at the state of men. Just recently a very godly man attempted to push boundaries with me – and it honestly broke my heart. Can you make sense of how men and lust works? Can someone love you and in the next moment hurt you because of being led by lust? Then he claimed it was because he wanted to be close? I need truth.
Hey there my friend, thank you for your honesty, and I’m really sorry about what you just went through. I know that broken trust is one of the most hurtful things that can happen.
What happened to you is absolutely dead wrong. If a man goes against your consent, that is completely done and over. No sympathy, no pity, no pampering. He cannot rationalize his way out of this one. You can forgive him, but you don’t ever have to be his friend or anything else.
Inevitably though: Any man that you meet today, no matter how good and godly, will struggle with lust in a lifelong battle of both internal and external turbulence, and while some are better at it than others, you’ll definitely be engaging to fight that battle together. This goes for women, too, because illegitimate lust is not specific to gender.
About a hundred years ago, most of the sensual lewd images of that day would’ve been bare feet or maybe an ankle bone. Imagine a bunch of dudes with mustaches and monocles looking at a picture saying, “Unfh, dat ankle.” I’m being dumb here, but only a few generations before us, we weren’t bombarded with so many visual lures.
I say this knowing that 1) the human heart has always been twisted, and 2) we can’t blame external stimuli for our internal troubles. But the pervasive access to pornography has certainly heightened our sexual dysfunction, and there’s no doubt that we live in a much more sexualized culture than ever before. And the US is not even the most sexually “free” nation. So all this is an uphill reality that needs a new arsenal.
Continue reading “How’s Your Life After Porn Addiction? And Is There Any Hope To Find a Lust-Free Man?”