About Porn Addiction.


Hey dear friends, one of the most frequent questions I get is about breaking porn addiction. I was addicted for fifteen years and have now been sober for over three, by the grace of God (and a lot of vigilant work).

So I’m going to compile a very short booklet with every resource I have and every question from this blog about recovery from porn, including my own testimony. It’ll be an e-book coming out in December or so.

My heart is for both men and women to be free from the enslaving grip of objectification and from contributing to a pain-filled industry. This is also to help your friend through sobriety. It will be written for both Christians and non. I want you and your friend to experience freedom, and perhaps even encounter Christ.

If a guy like me can recover, so can you: and not for a few weeks at a time, but permanently. Love y’all.

— J.S.


Purchase my book on taboo topics in the church here.

Purchase my new book on love, sex, and dating here.


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Question: Fighting Porn For The Last Time (Again)


Two anonymous questions:

Did you ever stumble after you decided to quit porn? or was it like going cold turkey? & what happens if you do stumble? does that mean that you’ve failed?

And:

I know you posted a whole series on the topic, but…I feel like I need to hear it from you – how to stop looking at pornography. I know I want to get it out of my life. I am serious about that. But when that temptation comes, the moment is just so intense and I know that there’s a way out but it feels like I just end up functioning on autopilot. Open up a website, click a few links, feel shame seconds after. I need this gone from my life. It’s wrecking me.

For a refresher, here’s the multi-post series on Porn Addiction.  It’s very long and involved, and emerged out of much personal struggling with my 15 year addiction.

 Here are also more specific questions asked previously:

 

Just used porn, what do I do?

Porn killed my feelings for God, now what?

So Porn Is A Sin?

Quit porn, but what about masturbating?

 

As of today, I haven’t masturbated to porn (or without porn) for 265 days.  I’ve looked at porn maybe twice in that time but shut it down pretty quick.  I can’t say that I’ve “beaten lust” or remained totally pure, but as far as porn addiction goes, it’s further and further in my rearview.  There CAN be victory.

Please know that my heart grieves for you when I say this, and I got nothing but love for you, but you absolutely cannot be lukewarm about this whole thing.  If you’re 98% serious about it, then forget it.  As long as it remains some kind of option for you, you’ll go back to it again and again. 

Continue reading “Question: Fighting Porn For The Last Time (Again)”

Porn Addiction, Part Five: Quitting Isn’t Enough

Most Recent Edit: May, 2017
– My book on quitting porn addiction is in paperback for only $7.99 and e-book for 3.49 on Amazon! It’s been officially endorsed by Craig Gross of X3Church. It has been updated and expanded in 2017. It contains this entire series of posts plus brand new info, fully updated with research, with specific steps to quit.

I call myself a recovering porn addict, but I’m much more than that.

When we identify ourselves by what we are not, we hardly know where we are going. When you finally quit porn and you’re cheering your new journey and sharing with people who are rooting for you, then when you fall again it can be even more devastating than before.

I thought I had this, you might say. And it’s back to binging, self-loathing, and might-as-well resignation to your addiction.

What happens to so many Christians is not a spiritual downfall to lukewarmness, but an incomplete picture of God’s Epic Story.

We are saved by His Grace — but that’s not the end. We are saved from something towards something better.

And if you want even half a chance of defeating porn — of sin and Satan and the grave itself — you’ll need to know not only what you’re called from, but what you’re called to.

So then, three things you must know in destroying your porn addiction once and for all.

Continue reading “Porn Addiction, Part Five: Quitting Isn’t Enough”

Question: Quit Porn, But What About Masturbating?

Anonymous asked:
I’ve read your series about pornography and it has been a huge help to me. I am not joking when I say you have a way of conveying things. I was wondering if you have any similar type of advice with masturbation? For me, pornography was easier to quit because I can avoid triggers. But with masturbation it seems like no matter how serious I tell myself I am about it, I fall into it again. It doesn’t even matter what my mood is. It is getting so frustrating that I am getting dangerously depressed

Thanks for encouraging. I understand your struggle, trust me on that.  I’ve read stories of guys sent to those prison-therapy ranches with no access to anything and they still found ways to indulge themselves. Dudes can get off on tractors because there’s no end to the depravity of man.

One thing we get from the Bible is that God doesn’t just change what you do, he changes what you want to do.  Your thought-life, your motives, the loop of self-talk you play over and over, your mood and desires and passions.  Some of us can easily quit porn, but it’s never been about the porn.  Some of us can even quit masturbating, but still aggressively seek pleasure in illegitimate ways.  There’s the tip of your iceberg, and then there’s the iceberg.

Continue reading “Question: Quit Porn, But What About Masturbating?”

Question: Porn Killed My Feelings For God, Now What?

Anonymous asked:
I am in a rut. I have been trying to deal with some sexual immorality, and I had been changing, turning to God in my temptation, until recently I went on a mini sin spree. I am talking about several things, porn, masturbation, ect. So now as I try to start over, I don’t really “feel” god. I feel no connection to him, it is hard to pray, ect. But, I want to still obey him and act in a way that is pleasing. So how can I make modifying my behavior about HIM when I can’t exactly “Feel” him?

You said an interesting thing there that pretty much nails the real Christian life: You don’t “feel” God but you still want to obey Him and please Him. That sounds just about right.

Should I only be nice to children and not punch them when I “feel” like it? Should I not do 150 in a school zone unless I “feel” like it? You see where I’m going there. Your fear is that just obeying God will only be a religious, duty-like, Pharisee-esque behavioral modification. But that’s a lie that the postmodern church has slammed over and over. Once again, effort is NOT legalism.

Continue reading “Question: Porn Killed My Feelings For God, Now What?”

Porn Addiction, Part Four: I’m Ready To Cut It Off

Most Recent Edit: May, 2017
– My book on quitting porn addiction is in paperback for only $7.99 and e-book for 3.49 on Amazon! It’s been officially endorsed by Craig Gross of X3Church. It has been updated and expanded in 2017. It contains this entire series of posts plus brand new info, fully updated with research, with specific steps to quit.

So you’re ready to quit porn. You’re tired of the bleary-eyed, bloodshot, guilt-choked, late-night excursions, tired of the excuses and rationalizations and filthy mental loops, tired of feeling disgusted with yourself at church and with your mom and after a retreat and anywhere near children. You’re done.

Let’s ask: How serious are you about this?

Do you really understand that running back to porn to solve your angst or fill your boredom or release your tension is no longer a viable option? That you must absolutely, unequivocally, once-and-for-all never look back to porn? That’s scary for some people. Like cutting off a limb or moving halfway around the world. But if you’re ready to quit, there can be no room for thinking it’s optional. As of quitting, you are dead to porn and alive to Christ.

This is where addicts get stuck. In the back of every self-deceived mind, buried deep under religious behavior and emotional promises, is still the root of the problem: self-worship. We desperately wrestle for control over our options. We maintain a tenuous connection to what destroys us because we cannot — will not — imagine life without it. We hate enduring the pain of withdrawal. We love too much the ten second pleasure of a visual buffet even if it costs our sanity.

Short-term thinking, however, always short-circuits the human life. When you cannot let go of what controls you, you have become less human, not more.

If you’re not serious about this, don’t waste time finding out how to quit porn. I’ve wasted a lot of other peoples’ time in the same way. I knew all the right methods, techniques, reasons, and theology to quit porn in my own strength. They didn’t work. I had to make a final, final, final decision. Long-lasting change did not happen until I grew serious about my true identity in Jesus Christ. If you don’t care about that, there’s no point in quitting anyway.

So first get serious about quitting before you find out how to quit. And know that you can’t merely quit from porn, but move to and by the grace of God.

You must also know, as I’ve said many times, that effort is not legalism. The journey of grace in Christ will require some sandpaper sculpting, crazy chiseling, painful spiritual surgery, and yanking out every fiber of deeply rooted filth through the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s not easy, and you can’t just pray it away or “think harder” about the Gospel. You wouldn’t do less than that, but it’s concurrent with your striving. The Gospel says it is finished, but do everything to stand. Know God’s promise, but make every effort for holiness. Know the Kingdom of God has already come for you, but make every effort to enter through the narrow door. Apostle Paul already had the prize of Christ, but says, “I beat my body to make it my slave.” Of course we rest in what Jesus has done, but a truth faith is a faith that works.

If you’re serious, let’s get started. This will be quite long so please read it in spurts or when you’re in that right mood.

Continue reading “Porn Addiction, Part Four: I’m Ready To Cut It Off”