It’s a short little book on my fifteen year porn addiction and how you can quit permanently, for good.
Be blessed and love y’all!
It’s a short little book on my fifteen year porn addiction and how you can quit permanently, for good.
Be blessed and love y’all!
Here’s my newest e-book on breaking porn addiction.
This is a very short e-book about how I overcame a fifteen year porn addiction. I’ve now been sober for over three. I talk about what porn does to your brain, specific steps to quit, and how you can quit permanently, not just for a few weeks at a time but for good.
I know how embarrassing it can be to talk about porn, but this book is designed for both you and to help your friend, regardless of gender or beliefs. This is not a Christian book disguised as self-help — the book is first and foremost a guide to quitting porn, with elements of Christian faith deeply rooted.
It’s only $2.99! And you won’t need a Kindle, it works on everything.
Be blessed and love y’all!
Hey dear friends, one of the most frequent questions I get is about breaking porn addiction. I was addicted for fifteen years and have now been sober for over three, by the grace of God (and a lot of vigilant work).
So I’m going to compile a very short booklet with every resource I have and every question from this blog about recovery from porn, including my own testimony. It’ll be an e-book coming out in December or so.
My heart is for both men and women to be free from the enslaving grip of objectification and from contributing to a pain-filled industry. This is also to help your friend through sobriety. It will be written for both Christians and non. I want you and your friend to experience freedom, and perhaps even encounter Christ.
If a guy like me can recover, so can you: and not for a few weeks at a time, but permanently. Love y’all.
Purchase my book on taboo topics in the church here.
Purchase my new book on love, sex, and dating here.
Two anons asked:
– Hi! I enjoy reading your blog and I know you have battled a porn addiction. I have a few questions. How do you feel about people who are battling against a porn addiction while dating? Do you think that person could have a genuinely Christ-centered, Godly and healthy relationship? Or is it bound to fail? Would it be okay for the guy to take a break so he figures things out for himself? What is the role of the girl in this? Is she able to do anything at all?
– I’m engaged to someone who claims to be Christian but I’m starting to feel as though he is not. We agree on almost everything except for the issue on whether watching porn is okay … He just wants me to be okay with it, that way he doesn’t feel guilty. So my question is, is watching porn wrong? …What biblical evidence is there that I can give him? I really pray that he would want to change but if not I don’t think I can marry someone with this problem.
If you would’ve asked me this question a few years ago, I would’ve said:
“What are you thinking, ladies? Dump that dude right now! Any man who can’t give up something for you ain’t no man at all.”
To some degree, I still agree with this. If it’s not serious or you just started dating, then please do NOT feel obligated to stay. You deserve better. If you’re looking for an excuse to stay with this guy because he’s cute in the face or you’re afraid to be alone: then you already know that won’t be enough down the line.
But in my growing compassion for people, I know how difficult it is to defeat porn in an over-sexualized culture. I know how screwed up we are to think that “porn is the norm.”
As much as I sound like a cranky old man, today sex is like shaking hands and human trafficking is barely blinked at. This is our world now: a culture of deep apathy that is unavoidably ingrained.
While this doesn’t absolve any man’s destructive behavior, it does give me more of a heart to work with them and resolve the root issues. It helps explain why men shrug it off.
Maybe you’ve been told to dump the guy on the spot, and that could be good advice — but battling porn is a lifelong struggle for all men today. It’s unrealistic to think you’ll meet some guy who has never struggled with it.
I also know how hard it is to just break up with someone if you’re engaged or it’s very serious. Certainly we should never be afraid to break off a relationship that is abusive or a deadbeat, but porn is something you both could overcome together with patience and persistence. It’s not always a deal-breaker.
While you might find the perfect porn-less guy, I think we can realistically say: Every woman will now have to openly, honestly, aggressively talk about lust with their future husbands in an era where porn is so freely available. This has to be a daily truthful dialogue where the man must be able to freely express himself without shame or a fear of retaliation.
But first, let’s talk about what will happen if the guy says, “I just want you to be okay with my porn.”
Hello beloved Tumblr friends!
This is the fourth part in the series “Cutting It Off: Quitting Porn Addiction.”
In this episode —
The science of porn addiction, three things that porn does to your brain, rewiring your brain cells, a clip from the TED Conference, fighting a Taco Bell culture, and a response to an anonymous hate mail.
To read more about porn and your brain (including the rest of my blog series on porn), click here.
You said you were an ex porn addict; how did you overcome this addiction, and when did you realize it was too much of an addiction to where it affected your life?
[Warning: This post might be slightly graphic.]
A few years ago, if someone had told me I was “addicted” to porn, I might have laughed in their face. I would say, “It’s only every once in a while” — even though it was almost everyday.
I secretly always knew that porn was a problem, that it was degrading, and that it was totally frying my brain. No one really needs to be told that “porn is bad” — even if you didn’t know nearly all of it’s made by human trafficking, you still know it’s got a stranglehold on your spirit.
Not every porn addict is an addict, but many of us use enough to be totally damaged. Even the most “casual” of users are relationally screwed up.
The word “addiction” is very loaded and I only use it to convey the weight of the problem, so it’s probably better to call it a porn affliction. Pretty much anyone who uses porn, even occasionally, will run into issues or already have them.
I knew porn was affecting me because:
Cutting It Off: The How – Specific Steps To Quit Porn
This is the third part in the series “Cutting It Off.” In this episode, I answer three anonymous questions about the specific steps to quit porn.
For this entire podcast series, click here.
You can read my blog post series on porn addiction here.
Hello loved ones!
This is the start of a new podcast series about your first few weeks quitting porn.
There are two parts! Download them from the podcast here.
7 Day Fast Challenge – And The Moment Right After You Fall
The second after you fall to temptation, dealing with triggers, breaking cycles of guilt, and the self-aware confidence. 7 minutes.
Download directly here.
Your First Week Off Porn
Expecting withdrawal symptoms, making porn-appointments, Christianese cover-ups, getting gritty with God, and the first step forward with a friend. 12 minutes.
Download directly here.
You can also check out my blog post series on porn addiction here.
Please share your testimony and questions below!
Or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Also check out my Facebook page here!
Due to requests, I’ll be updating the podcast with a series called “Cutting It Off: Your First Week Off Porn.”
Each part of the series will be five to ten minutes, detailing the first few weeks of quitting porn and what challenges to expect. I’ll go into specifics about my own journey and how to keep sober. Whether you are struggling or you have a struggling friend, I pray this will help you and give you hope.
The first part will land this week. In the meantime, you can check out my blog post series on porn addiction here.
Love you guys!
Jimmy Needham being very open about his former addiction.
Worth the four minutes to watch. I love his opening line.
If only more pastors and Christian artists were this transparent.
Also check out his recent hit song, totally digging it:
Hey! I came across your blog a few days ago and I couldn’t be more grateful. I’m just going to get to it, I cannot stop watching porn 😦 … I cannot tell anyone, not my parents … The stuff you’ve put up to help with these sort of things firstly it is only referring to males, what about females? I’m asking that in the nicest possible way btw. Some of the stuff you do I could never do. As a third year uni student, I need the internet and my computer almost everytime … I’ve been listening to your podcasts too, they’re great to tell you the truth! Dude, you should’ve been a youth pastor at my Church or something. Okay so I’ll shut it now, didn’t mean to go on like this – how embarrassing.
(Edited for length, and I made you anonymous just in case)
My friend, thank you for messaging me and I appreciate your honesty. I also appreciate your kind encouragement.
Please allow me to humble myself and admit: I’m not exactly qualified to speak on women’s struggle with pornography (nor do I have any special qualification to speak on porn addiction at all). However, I do think some basics are in play with any kind of addiction, and the same strategies can overcome it as well.
I would understand if you declined, but could you tell me how you recovered from pornography addiction? And if so, what made you decide to stop? Do you think your friends and family were affected by your addictions? I’m working on publishing the stories of pornography addicts and the effects on themselves and others. Thank you very much.
Here are some posts where you might find some of the answers:
– Porn Addiction: An Introduction – Also has links to seven part series
– Fighting Porn For The Last Time (Again) – Also has links to answered questions about porn
How did you recover?
It first had to begin with confession. I told my roommate everything. He was shocked; we prayed, cried, talked into the night. He became my “accountability partner.”
I went all out. Cut off most sources of internet, put a filter on my computer, had X3Watch set up so my roommate knew what I was looking at, always left my door open (including the bathroom during showers), started openly talking about my addiction, read everything I could on porn addiction and recovery, and ran out the house when the urge struck.
I was addicted to pornography for 9 years. And I sometimes struggle with it, but I can rest assured it’s not an addiction anymore. And I’m a female.
Amen, sister! Thank you for sharing this. You’re proof that despite the struggle, we can beat the addiction and move on to better. Here’s to more and more victory in Him.
Two anonymous questions:
Did you ever stumble after you decided to quit porn? or was it like going cold turkey? & what happens if you do stumble? does that mean that you’ve failed?
I know you posted a whole series on the topic, but…I feel like I need to hear it from you – how to stop looking at pornography. I know I want to get it out of my life. I am serious about that. But when that temptation comes, the moment is just so intense and I know that there’s a way out but it feels like I just end up functioning on autopilot. Open up a website, click a few links, feel shame seconds after. I need this gone from my life. It’s wrecking me.
For a refresher, here’s the multi-post series on Porn Addiction. It’s very long and involved, and emerged out of much personal struggling with my 15 year addiction.
Here are also more specific questions asked previously:
As of today, I haven’t masturbated to porn (or without porn) for 265 days. I’ve looked at porn maybe twice in that time but shut it down pretty quick. I can’t say that I’ve “beaten lust” or remained totally pure, but as far as porn addiction goes, it’s further and further in my rearview. There CAN be victory.
Please know that my heart grieves for you when I say this, and I got nothing but love for you, but you absolutely cannot be lukewarm about this whole thing. If you’re 98% serious about it, then forget it. As long as it remains some kind of option for you, you’ll go back to it again and again.
Edit: November 16th, 2014
– There will be an e-book with all the material on quitting porn, updated and edited, in the first week of December 2014. It will be $2.99 on Amazon!
An ongoing discussion about victory over sexual addiction.
The introduction here.
Part One, excuses and myths, here.
Part Two, the science, here.
Part Three, the soul, here.
Part Three and a half, the soul, here.
Part Four: I’m Ready To Cut It Off. Here.
Part Five: Quitting Isn’t Enough. Here.
Unless you’re in denial, you don’t just use porn when you’re “bored.”
A life overwhelmed, a mind undisciplined, and a heart calloused will find the quickest path to escape, and for men that’s usually going to their room with the lights off and pants down and laptop open. In that private dark space where at last you’re in control, that’s when you’ve lost it the most.
There’s a mess of reasons you turn to it and can’t seem to stop, and unless we dig through the cycle together, you’ll only be scratching the surface with behavioral clean-up. Triggers, trauma, upbringing, worldviews, and your sense of self-worth will all play into why you use porn.
It’s never about the porn. Let’s dig deep.
Most Recent Edit: May, 2017
– My book on quitting porn addiction is in paperback for only $7.99 and e-book for 3.49 on Amazon! It’s been officially endorsed by Craig Gross of X3Church. It has been updated and expanded in 2017. It contains this entire series of posts plus brand new info, fully updated with research, with specific steps to quit.
I call myself a recovering porn addict, but I’m much more than that.
When we identify ourselves by what we are not, we hardly know where we are going. When you finally quit porn and you’re cheering your new journey and sharing with people who are rooting for you, then when you fall again it can be even more devastating than before.
I thought I had this, you might say. And it’s back to binging, self-loathing, and might-as-well resignation to your addiction.
What happens to so many Christians is not a spiritual downfall to lukewarmness, but an incomplete picture of God’s Epic Story.
We are saved by His Grace — but that’s not the end. We are saved from something towards something better.
And if you want even half a chance of defeating porn — of sin and Satan and the grave itself — you’ll need to know not only what you’re called from, but what you’re called to.
So then, three things you must know in destroying your porn addiction once and for all.
A testimony from Mark Driscoll’s website by Jake Johnson, a staff member of Mars Hill Church.
“If you are struggling with porn, the first step to recovery is to be truthful with yourself about your sin, and the second step is being truthful both with God and with those whom you love, including your church.
“… I took my wife to lunch and confessed my sins against her and how I had hid my sinful and idolatrous addiction to porn from her for over six years.
“It was the most fearful moment of my life—and the most freeing. For the first time in our marriage, my wife knew who I really was and I no longer needed to spend so much time and energy worrying about whether she’d find out. Rather than fight the battle alone, I was now able to make restitution and have my wife and my church community fight with me.”
Continue Reading at Mark Driscoll’s Site
— Porn Addiction: An Introduction
— Question: Quit Porn, But What About Masturbating?a>
— Question: So Porn Is A Sin?
— Question: Porn Killed My Feelings For God, Now What?
— Question: Just used porn, what do I do?
I’ve read your series about pornography and it has been a huge help to me. I am not joking when I say you have a way of conveying things. I was wondering if you have any similar type of advice with masturbation? For me, pornography was easier to quit because I can avoid triggers. But with masturbation it seems like no matter how serious I tell myself I am about it, I fall into it again. It doesn’t even matter what my mood is. It is getting so frustrating that I am getting dangerously depressed
Thanks for encouraging. I understand your struggle, trust me on that. I’ve read stories of guys sent to those prison-therapy ranches with no access to anything and they still found ways to indulge themselves. Dudes can get off on tractors because there’s no end to the depravity of man.
One thing we get from the Bible is that God doesn’t just change what you do, he changes what you want to do. Your thought-life, your motives, the loop of self-talk you play over and over, your mood and desires and passions. Some of us can easily quit porn, but it’s never been about the porn. Some of us can even quit masturbating, but still aggressively seek pleasure in illegitimate ways. There’s the tip of your iceberg, and then there’s the iceberg.
I am in a rut. I have been trying to deal with some sexual immorality, and I had been changing, turning to God in my temptation, until recently I went on a mini sin spree. I am talking about several things, porn, masturbation, ect. So now as I try to start over, I don’t really “feel” god. I feel no connection to him, it is hard to pray, ect. But, I want to still obey him and act in a way that is pleasing. So how can I make modifying my behavior about HIM when I can’t exactly “Feel” him?
You said an interesting thing there that pretty much nails the real Christian life: You don’t “feel” God but you still want to obey Him and please Him. That sounds just about right.
Should I only be nice to children and not punch them when I “feel” like it? Should I not do 150 in a school zone unless I “feel” like it? You see where I’m going there. Your fear is that just obeying God will only be a religious, duty-like, Pharisee-esque behavioral modification. But that’s a lie that the postmodern church has slammed over and over. Once again, effort is NOT legalism.