Tag: birthday

Our Daughter Turned One


Alayna’s 돌잔치 (Doljanchi). Turning one.

Watching our daughter grow, I feel both dread and joy. I know this world will not be easy on her. I want to protect her from everything. The headlines make me insane for her safety. And already I can see her voice, her strength, her laughter, her resolve. I know she will be okay too.

I can see more and more of myself in the way she moves, laughs, talks (tries to talk). Sometimes that worries me. I see her mother too. That relieves me a bit. But I also see something uniquely belonging to our daughter. She will be the best of us. And something more.

I read these grown-up books to her (in between the children’s books) and I talk to her about culture, politics, race, faith, mental health (in between the dancing and animal noises and magic tricks). She can’t comprehend it right now. But one day it will become conversation. One that was always there.

They say children end up teaching their parents. I think it’s happening already. She’s teaching me it’s serious stuff to raise a child. But not to take myself so seriously. She’s teaching me my that my heart was bigger than I knew, my guts went even deeper than I could see. She’s teaching me she is not an extension of me but her own person, and today I hold her tight but tomorrow she will fly free. Until tomorrow, I hold tight.
— J.S.

[Photography by Hoon Park]

Another Year.


Another year older. I’ve stopped tweezing all the white hairs above my ears; it’s a losing battle. I have some new hairs inside my ears. I wear knee braces all the time now because without them I feel naked and confused. I now use words like “heartburn” and “retirement fund” and “grocery list” and “youngsters.” I like nature shows and full-on jazz and classical. I look forward to sitting down in every situation. I now empathize with the parents in the background of every TV show. My lower back knows when it’ll rain. I take fish oil every day. New technology makes me go “Bah.” It takes me some time (and a lot of noise) to get out of a chair. My thirties are flashing by. Loving it. Love y’all very much.
— J.S.