I’m Too Old to Find Love: How Do I Start?

Anonymous asked a question:

How do I find Christian love at 27? I find that so old to start afresh…

Hey dear friend, first I’d like to point you here:

– 7 Thoughts on Singleness: Is Something Wrong with Me?

I know that being single when you don’t want to be is painful. There’s no way around it. I also believe that singleness is a perfectly legitimate life-choice, and that it can be a gift in itself.

There is no “too old” when it comes to dating and marriage. I got married “late” according to our current social standards. I didn’t even meet my wife until I was in my mid-twenties. My dad was married at forty years old. Chris Tomlin was 38 when he got married. C.S. Lewis didn’t marry until he was 58. Even more, Oprah Winfrey didn’t find “fame” until she was in her forties. Timothy Keller didn’t write his first book until he was 58. Harper Lee was 34 when she wrote To Kill a Mockingbird and J.K. Rowling was 32 when she wrote Harry Potter. 

Who is early? Who is late? What if our time is just our time?

I think it’s okay to be looking, whether at church or conferences or your workplace or through a hobby you enjoy. But as you might have heard a million times: it’s important to work on yourself. That idea is a catchphrase by now, but it’s no less true.

While dating and marriage have their own blessings, the life of singleness is uniquely like no other time. I know, it is painful sometimes. But so are dating and marriage.

All these life phases have their own challenges and joys. Enjoy your season, learn a ton, go to the places you want to go, serve the people you are called to serve. While you’re living your wonderful single adventure, there will be plenty of people alongside you who are your family. And one of them might become something more.

— J.S.

Also see:

– The Truths and Myths of Christian Dating and Relationships

– 5 Kinds of Romanticized Crushes That Will Mess You Up

– The Impossible Search For a Soul-Mate With My Interests

Photo from Unsplash

3 thoughts on “I’m Too Old to Find Love: How Do I Start?

  1. I just love the way you write so much! I’m a single gal from Brasil and I really have 0 problems with being single, focusing currently on my career and my love for academic papers; but I loved reading this anyway, even if it doesn’t necessarily fit me. Because your love for others, your compassion, your love for Christ above all, can be felt from your words to here, the other side of the world. I follow you on tumblr as well and loved your post about racism and intolerance in the church. I hope all is well with you now, I have also been throught that. Anyways, my english is not the best but I hope I expressed my gratitude succesfully. If not, let me be more foward: thank you so much for existing. You have no idea how much you have been helping people like me. May God bless you today and forever!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. How can I follow you I’m not on Tumblr or Twitter I don’t wish to join. Is there anyway I can find you, your brilliant words and or video sermons? You are an overcomer Thanks to Jesus and continuing to pick yourself up after a brokenness. I grew up in a small town where are you could literally trust most people and went off to college and the medical University. I met a man who became my husband after only knowing him for six months living apart became an orthopedic surgeon we both worked in the hospital. Immediately when we got married I learned that the majority of what he tells me is a lie. He says he can’t stop And that his mother told him that that helped people from getting hurt. Christian counseling, empty promises and an autistic child later in which he helped zero with, I learned he cheated since our engagement with men and women and laters minors when he went to sex addiction rehab because he had gotten caught with another sitter. I Then went on to learn that he molested our son as he reported it to his therapist. I also learned that he had had and all of our money somewhere that we could not find so I could not pay for lawyers or anyone to research where the money went. He had seven lawyers criminal and regular ones that were the best in South Carolina I got off of everything broken court orders after year Dss drop the case because they said they had a new DSS lawyer coming in and they were overwhelmed with cases and this one had already been a year with they are hope of us resolving it in court on our own instead of them having to take action because it’s costly. Of course that never happened. I don’t feel sorry for myself or my son there’s so much more detail that’s catastrophic over those 16 years. But I do know one thing Jesus saved us from him driving us which he has sister lost his license but again if it worked for a public university he would’ve been fired immediately But he works for a small self funded hospital admitting he was the highest Surgeon they made money off of, and the Baptist church that we attend it didn’t do any better as they stood by him because his boss was a lead elder and gave the majority of his salary to the church and had so much pole. It’s all political but God tells us to expect trials that we all have planks in our eyes they will have to answer for that at the pearly gates. Truthfully it’s helped me to think about the tone perspective as I was off and on suicidal throughout my marriage not knowing that I was being drugged until the week before court where he was forced to give up the information. But because the lawyers didn’t want to go to court and I didn’t have the money to take us there which would’ve cost another hundred thousand and because South Carolina is Still an at fault state was only the patriarch your lawyers winning in the end, we must make peace with it. On a lighter note for Judge let us move states I have my son still 100% with the father not allowed to have any Contact at all. Jesus prevails always in the end and he has been healing us from The inside out. I have realized I don’t know I love my family a great deal what led me to feel worthless and even though I wasn’t in love with this man to Mary was to please my mother. I know that sounds lame but my mother has always shut down my voice, chase me with knives, rage unfairly, we did more than mothering as children then She did. Without any of them asking I have forgiven them because that’s what God tells me to do and it helps to take away the perseveration in my head and the heart and the heart although it still comes up from time to time. Versus help. Volunteering helps working helps and changing the cycle and not doing the same thing as a mother to my son because of Jesus helps a lot too. So I love the fact that you shared with me that you Or a suicide survivor. Thank you for your openness and your love of humanity to put yourself out there and to help. Speaking from that perspective is so healing as it lets us know you’re in it with us instead of preaching on some thing you haven’t gone through because the struggles have not been that deep traumatic and real. I Daily so search and light healing but my mother and my ex-husband is my prayer has always been that the Lord break them if they have to in order to have them come to the light and the truth. They both claim to be devout Christians, one grew up Baptist and the other one go up not going to church and Baptist now. thankfully even though the church turned their back on my son and me and my parents still manipulate gaslight and hurt me I’m just learning so much about kind boundaries even though they are not well received, That unlike how I was taught when I was little but that’s disrespectful, now I’m learning that God doesn’t say that even with family. I am 49 and obviously a slow learner. Peace be with you all.


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