Healing from a Breakdown Over a Break-Up

Anonymous asked a question:

How to heal from a broken heart? Going through my first break up and even though we weren’t officially dating, I’ve never felt so much pain in my life. Every time I think I’m over it, I end up on the floor having a mental breakdown. When does it end?

Hey dear friend, I’m very sorry. Break-ups are incredibly difficult. I wrote about it once before here. 

I think break-ups are similar to grieving over a death. While I don’t want to equate the two entirely, the two journeys look similar. I say that to say: No one is allowed to diminish the pain you’re going through here. It hurts. Break-ups are awful. You’re allowed to grieve.

Like any kind of grief, it will feel like you’re going crazy. Some days it will feel like you’re getting better, and then you’ll remember that one joke or the one movie or the one meal, and it will hit you all over again. I wish I had better news, but it will be terrible for a while. I say that to say: You’re not crazy. This is what it’s like.

I suggest at least a few things:

1) Keep doing the things you love doing, if not even more of them. Be with friends, get into your favorite fandoms, create, dance, sing, hang out, hang out, pray, read, exercise. Take care of yourself.

2) As much as you can, keep a distance from your ex and please don’t get pulled back in. If you decide to talk to them again, give it a lot of time before doing that. When ex’s talk again too soon, I have never seen that go well. Part of grieving is saying goodbye, permanently. It’s not healthy to go backwards on it.

3) Again: You’ll feel like you’re going crazy, but you’re not. Be gentle with yourself. Break-ups are awful, but please don’t allow that to determine who you are as a person. Please don’t add the burden of thinking you’re not “handling it well.” No one handles it well. That’s okay. That’s a part of it.

Much love and many blessings to you in your journey, dear friend.
— J.S.

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