“You will never be ___.”

A little typewriter therapy:

I’ve heard this too many times.

“You will never be enough. You will never be okay. You will never be successful. You will never be happy. You will never be picked. You will never be loved. You will never be forgiven. You will never be trusted. You will never be friends again. You will never be at peace again. You will never be at home again. You will never be better.”

I know it’s a lie most of the time. But in the moment, in the worst of every downward spiral, there comes the voice that says “never.” It’s an irretrievable vacuum, like the lights are shutting off behind me and I’m getting chased by darkness. Getting nevered is to be exiled.

I had a math tutor in fourth grade who used to shout at me. “You will never be smart enough for this.” He made me write the Pythagorean theorem hundreds of times, until my hand was swollen, though I wasn’t sure how it was helping. For months, this tutor kept yelling how stupid I was. My parents never found out. I still think about this all the time.

I have had to grieve when “never” became true. Sometimes “never” does happen. Loss happens. All change involves loss. All loss is change. I have had to welcome “never” with a bitter embrace. I don’t like it. I still don’t.

I think there are times I must refuse to believe “never.” I have to know when to pick those battles. I have to fight that voice.

Are you dealing with this, too? What does it look like? Sound like? How do you get free? How do you fight this voice?
— J.S.

4 thoughts on ““You will never be ___.”

  1. This is really tough, because when we are abused like this (your maths tutor) in an early age it is engraved in our psychy.

    I have my “nevers” of course, and some I have overcome. What helped me overcome partly was having “stubborn” friends who stuck with me. In the Christian mindset we are drilled to not trust ourselves and our fellow man, but only God. I don’t believe that anymore, because it is a cop-out for our responsibility for our fellow man.

    We need one another, counseling, therapy, doctors, pastors, family, friends etc. to communicate life. We need people who tell us that you CAN and you WILL and I believe in YOU, and sometimes we need to hear the same encouraging words again and again to “reprogram” the damage we gotten so accustomed to from the lies and abuse we received.

    People, especially believers, like to close their eyes to the suffering of their immediate friends by demanding that the most broken down person should only trust in God. Cheap cop-out of responsibility and loving our neighbour as we love ourselves.

    I will step on some toes with this, but I for myself have drawn the line underneath those lies that dismiss my need for encouragement.


  2. I dealt with rejection from parents and heard in my head “I am stupid.” I repeated this over myself continually although it was not true. Recently, I came into major healing by forgiving my parents. Previously, I had refused to let it go and it weighed me down. I pictured myself lifting the heavy load of unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness off of them. It has been a process and I have had help from my spiritual leader, others and God. Since Christ the forgiver lives in me, I have accessed his forgiveness to forgive them. A heavy load of darkness and depression has lifted. Coming into agreement with God and confessing my sin of not forgiving has changed things. I have been mediating on Bible verses that show how much God loves me, forgives and has mercy on me. I released the trauma and hurt from my soul and asked God to begin to heal the wounds. When I received Jesus, my spirit received the resurrection power that raised Jesus from the dead. “I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 1:19-20) The word translated power also means excellent of soul. I have declared I am excellent of soul, healing deep wounds. The darkness has lifted because it can no longer feed on the wound. Also I declare, “I am loved!” Replacing the negative with the positive has made such a difference. Abundant blessings of healing to you, JS!


  3. A dear friend of mine wrote about her struggles in this line. She felt she didn’t pray enough, read her Bible enough, wasn’t devout enough, self-denied enough. And one day Jesus told her quite clearly, “No. you are never enough. But I AM enough. It was such a relief to her to realize that.

    Jesus is the only enough we have — otherwise we’re lost. And He’s the only sacrifice God wants for our sin. One day that was brought home clearly to me as I was reading the account of Abraham offering Isaac.
    Just as he was setting on the altar the “fruit of his body”, all his own efforts, and this wasn’t at all the sacrifice God had, so I suddenly saw myself, pouring onto the altar all my efforts at remorse, regret, and repentance for all those awful sins I’ve committed and the awful person I am.
    But this isn’t at all the sacrifice God wants. He has his own, the Lamb, over there in the bushes. It’s like He said to me, “All this anguish you’re dumping on the altar isn’t what I want at all. I’ve already prepared the sacrifice. Take that and offer that.”

    Liked by 1 person

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