I always wonder about people who keep picking a fight.
It seems they’re not interested in discussion, but only saying the contrarian opposite thing just to stir up a heated moment. That’s a one-way monologue, never a two-way street. It’s usually disguised as, “You can’t handle my truth” or “I keep it real.” They begin with the assumption that everyone else needs to be taught and they’re the teacher. “Wisdom perishes with me” and all that. There’s backpedaling and deflecting and doubling down and twisting words to appear like they were always right even when they’re proven wrong.
I don’t know why. Compulsion, maybe, or an addiction to drama, or the desperate urge to protect a fragile ego. Or maybe they never learned how to disagree with compromise, but everyone only catered to them and they always got their way. And despite trying to correct everyone all the time, they can’t stand to be corrected. They physically act out and justify and defend themselves to death, clawing at every straw to win. Win what? I wish I knew. In the end it only loses all of us.
I’m that guy sometimes, too. But I want to be teachable. I want to assume I’m never the smartest guy in the room. That’s okay. I always want to learn, to be able to say, “I’m wrong, and I’m sorry, and I need your help.” To be teachable is freeing. It means we can actually have a conversation. It matters less that we agree, but more that we build a bridge between you and me, that we can see how we got to where we are and how we can keep going. I hope we stay connected—because I cannot see with my own eyes alone.
Photo by Mariyan Dimitrov, CC BY-NC-SA 2.0
2 thoughts on “You Don’t Have to Be Right: Just Be Right Here”
I’m that guy sometimes too J.S. Becoming better always seems to require laying down more of myself and that is a good if painful thing. I think one of my hardest lessons lately is that this being teachable is not a one and done deal where I suddenly arrive and am teachable. Nor is it a fast process. My own teachability however poor its level is has been reached by fits and starts, by procession on my knees and recessions of self-protectionism, fear and anger with people who I think “Never learn”. Got so far to go. Jesus help!
“I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me.” That’s a quote from Ron Hamilton, a.k.a. Patch the Pirate. Tough to do with my fragile male ego, but positively doable when submitted to God.