Scared of Love and Scared of God: What Do I Do?

Anonymous asked a question:

What do I do if I’m scared of love, especially from God?

Dear friend, I would say that you’re probably describing the entire human condition and the greatest fight of our lives.

One of the hardest battles we will ever face is to truly, fully, absolutely believe we are loved. So you’re definitely not alone in this fear. It’s this very fear that drives us to seek approval in illegitimate ways from sex, money, reputation, corporate greed, racial superiority, and a million other terrible stories throughout history.

The devil dropped two lies in the beginning to trick us, and the second lie was essentially, “Isn’t God holding back?” when Eve wondered if she should get the fruit off the tree (the first lie was, “Did God really say that?” to get us to doubt God’s truth). In other words, Satan got us with, “Does God really love you?” And that’s a lie we’ve been wrestling with ever since.

The fear of love is natural, but I really do hope you’ll find good people who will demonstrate God’s love to you. One of my favorite Bible verses is 1 John 4:12, which says, “No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” That means we see the love of God when we experience the love of His people. There’s no shame in finding divine connection through human connection.

Another thing is that we know something is broken inside us. Love feels undeserved because if love means being seen, then we’re afraid someone may see the worst of us and reject us. The degree to which we are seen is to the degree that we can be fully loved, but it also runs the risk of being left behind for that very same reason. Unfortunately, that’s life, and we have launched into being, a song already in motion, set upon to take the chance or not.

I hope you’ll take the chance; what is life without being terrified by possibility?

Even when you do find love, the choice is still yours to believe the whisper that says, “I am loved, I am loved, I am loved.” And yes, people will let you down, even if they say they love you. That’s the risk you take in vulnerability. It’s a scary thing, and rightfully so. Again: the greater the possibility for disappointment, the greater the chance for joy. It’s unfair.

But in the end, God’s love isn’t like that. It isn’t the same as human love. It is perfectly, fully satisfying, forever and free, just for who you are. It’s both fair and unfair, because we don’t deserve it, but God sees the worst of us and gives Himself to us anyway. Find it, and you’ll be free to love, too, without expecting anything back, because you already have Him. When human love disappoints, you’ll have His constancy.

— J.S.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear …” – 1 John 4:18