Singleness Is Not Waiting For “Completion”


Singleness doesn’t define your value, ever.

What exactly is “singleness”? I wish we would stop defining things by the absence of something else. Being single doesn’t mean you’re somehow “incomplete” until someone else completes you. Let’s pause to consider that even the idea of singleness is false at its best, and oppression at its worst.

In the first century, Apostle Paul wrote 1 Corinthians 7 specifically to address single people. To paraphrase, he said, “If you want to get married, good. If you want to stay single, good, and it could be better.” To you, this might sound ordinary. But at the time, it was a loaded bombshell. This was actually an entirely revolutionary view of sexuality that had been previously unheard of.

During Paul’s life, the Emperor of the Roman Empire was actually charging a fee for the unmarried because it was considered bad for the economy and the family (never mind that Caesar was already bad for both). Being married with a family was considered the gold status of society, and a single person could only have been a widow or prostitute; there was no middle ground.

So Paul comes along, and moved by the Spirit of God, completely wrecked the whole idea of family and marriage and singles. Though marriage is desirable, it’s not a “state of completion,” and we have an entire church of brothers and sisters in Christ who are meant for deep soul-community, for both singles and couples. Paul legitimized singleness as an absolutely acceptable life-choice, but more than that, said it can often be better for carrying out God’s mission on earth (1 Cor. 7:29-35). Paul himself was single, which itself would’ve been quite a scandal.


— J.S.


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10 thoughts on “Singleness Is Not Waiting For “Completion”

  1. Reblogged this on In Pursuit of Intimacy and commented:
    Because I don’t know why I am quite frustrated.
    Because reblogging this is “quite a scandal”.
    Because being bold to express is not so familiar.

    Because I love Paul and his passion for Jesus.
    Because I am a unicorn, and I don’t date humans.
    Because I say that because of the first statement.

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  2. Loved this, J.S.! It seems in our society today, much like in the Roman era, singleness is perceived to be a disease. Somehow it can’t be possible to be single and live a fulfilled life. I beg to differ. I’ve been living single all my life and I’m almost 40. I am the most content now than what I was in my early twenties when I believed I was only half a person without a man on my arm.

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    1. Wow, thank you for your honesty here. Yes, most people think “sexualized romanticism” is a new thing, but it’s been around since the Romans and Egyptians and Babylonians. I can’t take away from the occasional pain of singleness and I know it must be tough some days, but relationships are really hard work too. Can’t rush those things out of fear or pride ..!

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      1. You said it! Yep, I have my days where singleness sucks. I’ve confessed in previous blog posts I’ve written that God has not taken away my desire for marriage so that is something I must be honest about lest people get this idea that God supernaturally took that away from me. Oh, no. He did not. I still get lonely and I have deal with it in a healthy way that isn’t going to lead me to do something desperate out of fear of being alone. I’ve had married folk tell me they have lonely days too, so getting married doesn’t necessarily save anyone from never feeling alone.

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  3. Hallelujah! I have been made to feel like a leper throughout my mostly single life and nowhere have I faced so much unwanted pity from people than the church! I prefer being single. I get to pursue my interests of learning, volunteering, travel, mission trips, spend time helping family, etc. I need no one’s permission or cooperation to join a cause. I am free and love to by my own boss. My relationship with the Lord is more authentic than ever. In response to “inthepottershands988” God might not take that desire from you. Men took the desire from me in my early relationships in dating and it was also taken by witnessing the incredible amount of drama and time wasted on bad relationships that most of my friends and family find themselves in. Ask yourself whether you want to be with someone because of the cultural pressure to do so or if you really want to live with one person for the rest of your life and have children. Are you really lonely or just boring? Find some new interests and meet some cool people! Be a radical like Paul! He’s brilliant 🙂

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  4. Thank you! I get so frustrated when people ask me why I don’t have a boyfriend, then proceed to tell me that I need to find someone or try to set me up. If someone does come along and add value to my life then sure I might make something of the relationship, but until then I don’t need a man to fulfill my purpose in life. God said love your neighbor and love your enemy, not find one person to love for the rest of your life so that it has meaning.

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