fall-out-ahoy asked a question:
What is your opinion on asexual people? (Also your book Mad About God is amazing!)
Hey dear friend, thank you so much. I hope you’ll leave some kind words about the book when you’re finished, but totally optional and up to you!
I believe sexuality is such a significant discussion with too many nuances and angles that I couldn’t possibly do it justice here. Any time it’s brought up online, everyone yells or rips it apart or assumes I’m implying something terrible if I missed even one little point. I sometimes hate talking about this because I get scared of offending people, and I end up dancing around answers because of over-sensitive, self-victimizing shaming that has already pre-judged that I’m a bigot. You have to know that I love you and I love people and I only care that others would know Jesus and see Jesus in me. I might fail at that, but I’m really trying. I’m asking for your grace if I say anything that’s tone-deaf or unthoughtful.
Here’s the thing. Sexuality is not the most important facet about a person. I don’t think you mean to say it is, but I find so much idolatry and vanity in this area that we fight over it like it’s life-and-death. It’s one slice of a much bigger pie that encompasses an entire human being.
If a person is asexual, whether that means they have no sexual impulse or they’re androgynous or they have zero interest in dating, I think that’s great. They’re not weird or subhuman or projects to be worked on. I just hope we know that who we’re attracted to isn’t the be-all, end-all foundation of a person, and no one can sustainably revolve around a sexual identity as their whole cause and character.
That’s why both the red-faced angry preacher and the sensational daytime news anchor who pounce on sexuality as a platform are diminishing very real people. Both the church and the wider culture have disproportionately escalated the issue, while the starving children I’ve seen in the streets of the Philippines don’t even have the time or head-space to make such a thing a priority. It’s such a slim, imbalanced view on a living breathing person. Important? Yes. Urgent? I’m less sure. I want to know, Do you love Jesus and do you know you’re loved by him? Do you love people like he does?
I have other questions, too. Like, What are you living for? What are you dying for? What’s your greatest love? What’s your biggest hate? What gets you through the darkness? Where do you think this is all going? What are you glorifying and worshiping? How will you live your story? What’s the message you’re giving each day? Who do you believe God is? What are you really about?
Relationships are certainly important. Marriage takes work. Singleness takes work. Sexuality should be talked about. The Bible has some crucial things to say on all this. But life is not about finding romance nor resisting it. So many of these things are secondary, and while they require a great deal of attention, they’re temporary. We’re designed for eternity. I hope our choices today reflect that, too.