Shaming The “Impure” and Those Who Stand Up For Them

Image by Brittney Borowski

ariseandawakenme asked a question:

Hi can you check out “sadmomhair” she’s a young sister in Christ who posted something kinda controversial and I feel like I kinda know where he heart is but I’m not sure how to speak up about the whole thing Thanks in advance 🙂

Hey dear friend, I read up on her blog, and I think it’s great. Normally I would never comment on another blog this way, but she is very refreshing and very clear, with a very strong viewpoint that’s missing in so many voices today.

If I may summarize, I believe her thoughts about purity in one sentence is, “It doesn’t make you a better Christian if you’re a virgin, because God’s love will redeem us all.” I know I’m simplifying what she said here, but that seems to be her thesis. And she’s absolutely right. God will accept and redeem and offer grace to anyone, in any condition, or else He isn’t the God of the Bible.

I also saw all the comments and anonymous messages thrown at this blogger (who by the way, is 18 years old and needs much grace and prayer for her influence and leadership), and I was once again disheartened by our hasty church-culture.

I hope to remind us — especially fellow brothers and sisters in Christ — about how we communicate and criticize ideas. When someone expresses a thought, this is not their entire thought on the issue. No one can possibly cover every base and angle and “what-about” and caveat in a single blog post, or even a whole book. We will miss the exception or forget to include some small gray area. When someone does not elaborate on a tiny caveat, it doesn’t automatically mean that the person believes the opposite of what he or she neglected to say.

We presume this kind of thing too quickly, and there has to be grace for that instead of jumping to ill conclusions.

Of course we want to be as clear as possible, but we must also be concise.  Communication gets started by first presenting an idea, not every “exception.” We meet in the gray area to talk. Unfortunately, the internet world has turned the gray area into a mine-field.

Here’s what I mean. The fact that she’s saying virginity is not some kind of “higher status” doesn’t mean that she’s demeaning godliness or holiness or purity. If I said, “There’s nothing wrong with secular music,” it doesn’t automatically mean that I’m okay with worshiping the devil and wearing a beer hat with goat blood. We find the truth on a common ground, not our extreme parodies of the opposite view.

I have a feeling that the reason this wonderful blogger wrote about virginity this way is because of our reactionary church atmosphere, in which we draw the line too close to saints and tend to leave out “sinners.” Grace is often the first thing to leave a church. It’s as if the church hopes to change our behavior by telling us how bad things are, without recognizing that most people walk through the doors wrapped in the consequences of things they’ve already done.

I’m all for fighting towards purity and basking in the awe-inducing holiness of God. But in the end, purity is not something we fight for but something we fight from, because purity is God’s gift to us who have embraced all He’s achieved through His Son. It’s only this restoration that would motivate us to fight for holiness at all.

— J.S.

3 thoughts on “Shaming The “Impure” and Those Who Stand Up For Them

  1. The fact that she’s saying virginity is not some kind of “higher status” doesn’t mean that she’s demeaning godliness or holiness or purity.
    If anything, she’s redeeming the countless people (boys, girls, men and women alike) who never had the option and were abused. Many Christians don’t often think about how their proud declarations of “I’m a virgin” can make others feel that God really hates them for not being one. In the ancient world, a woman’s virgin status could help her husband know that her children was his. That his sons by her would inherit his house, his wealth, and his slaves. That his daughters could be married off to his friend’s sons and strengthen the bond of the community. Virginity was little more than a guarantee that the business deal was genuine. Virginity only had value while a woman is in her child-bearing years, beyond that people of it as a missed opportunity in the ancient world. Look at the New Testament, Jesus attracted tax collectors and prostitutes because they recognized that they needed forgiveness. Jesus was often at odds with the pharisees who went out of their way to be certain that they wouldn’t need forgiveness. while I might not agree with every single aspect about how she conducts herself, I do believe that rigid rule-keeping is not necessarily the best way to live out the gospel.


    1. Hey Jamie, excellent points that I didn’t consider, and great biblical info too. In the end, to say anyone is irredeemable will diminish the sovereign working of God. I’m not about to do that.


  2. There is a delicate balance between “advising or warning” and “judging” someone. I believe that the Bible teaches that we should encourage and uplift each other. However, when a Christian brother or sister is happily living in a sinful behavior, we need to privately refer them to the Bible and pray for them. I do not believe we are “judging” them, but trying to help them in the way we would also like to be helped.

    I would offer 1 Corinthians 5:9-12 and 2 John 1 as examples. Again, it is a difficult balance.

    Likewise, we should remember we are all sinners from time to time. Being a sinner and living in sin are two different things.

    God Bless!


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