The Painful Non-Romantic Endeavor of Getting Back Together

simplessence asked a question:

What did God’s grace look like when He brought you and your now wife back together after you parted ways? Your story is beautiful, and I have been so very encouraged by the parts you have shared with us. God bless you!

Hey dear friend, I believe you’re referring to this post. I also talk about this in the last chapter of my book on relationships, about how my wife and I broke up for six months while we were still dating.

For some back-story: My wife and I dated for six years before we got married, and at the three year mark, she broke up with me.  It was for perfectly legitimate reasons: I was addicted to porn, I had an anger problem, and I was a control freak. It was over. I didn’t think we would get back together.

When we did, the hardest part was trying not to “win” her. I was afraid she would break up with me again if I made the smallest mistake. It was a fearful paranoia. I spent a while trying to prove that I was changed and different and better.  And in fact, I had changed — I had sought counseling and accountability and rebuke and had quit porn (I’m still sober to this day).  But I wasn’t resting in grace. I forgot that I didn’t need to prove myself, not to her, not to me, not to anyone. God had already done that part through His Son. I only needed to receive it and to continue growing.

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