takeeacy asked a question:
Hi Joon! After reading about how you and your fiancee had taken a 6 month break for your relationship, I was really curious about how that panned out. My girlfriend/ex and I are currently going through a break to refocus on God, and I wondered if you had any advice to give on this or have any experiences/lessons to share. Thanks!
Hey there dear friend. I actually talk about this in a bit of detail in my book on dating.
Though I couldn’t possibly give all that I learned from the six month break-up, I can tell you two things for sure.
1) I had to learn not to accuse my partner over her issues, but to focus on my own wrong first. Whenever we argued before, I would always blame-shift (and she did too). Eventually, I made it a habit to call myself out even when I was right, and we would meet in the middle about our differences.
2) This will sound obvious, but I needed to learn to “draw from God” more than my partner. My wife (it’s so cool that I can call her that now!) cannot be everything I need her to be all the time. It’s such a dangerous, unfair, toxic, soul-killing concept to make her my entire source of happiness. We don’t consciously want to do this, but it happens in marriages all the time. When I can be led by Christ and draw my primary love from Him and even love Him more, than I can rightly love my wife with all that Christ has given me.
This of course takes practice and deliberate choice. It takes a constant saturation in Christians who are smarter than me and in Scripture taught by wiser people. It means humility, which is painful, but it’s the only kind of pain that grows you without trying.
Praying for you today, dear friend.
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