Too Much Advice For My Dating Life


mythoughtfulmind asked a question:

Hi! Within the last 6 months or so, I’ve thought a lot more about relationships than I ever have before. I’ve never been in one & it gets tough to see so many around me sometimes. With the secular world telling me to get out there, and the Christian views saying I just need to wait & “don’t worry, relationships are hard & being single is good!” sometimes I don’t know what I’m even “allowed” to feel among my Christian peers about this adventure of dating. Advice for a girl not sure what to think?


Hey my friend, first please allow me the grace to point you to my book on dating.  It actually talks about the very issues you’re talking about.  I’m sorry for the shameless plug, but it’s less than nine bucks and I think it’ll at least jumpstart your own thought process on relationships.

The truth is that you’re going to hear about a billion different opinions on dating.  In the book I discuss how we’re all living within the reactionary backlash of someone else’s thoughts, so each opinion on dating (or life or faith or politics) is just a response to another response.  That’s why we have the bizarre subculture of Christian dating versus the cool casual hipster pastors who shrug at purity.

My humble opinion is:

Please don’t listen to me.  Really.  You can arrive to your own godly conclusions about dating while discerning the wisdom of others and Scripture. And while you’re at it, please know that the Bible has nothing to say about dating, at all.  The God of the Bible prioritizes who-you-are before who-you-date, and this is the most important thing I can tell you (this is also the thesis of my book on dating).  As Andy Stanley says, Become the person you’re looking for is looking for.

Again, please allow me the grace to share with you a seminar I did on dating which you can download for free, here, called “The Adventure of Dating & The Reality of Relationships,” for a wonderful group of college students and young adults.  Much blessing to you on this journey, my dear friend.

— J.S.



Purchase my book on taboo topics in the church here.

Purchase my new book on love, sex, and dating here.

Purchase my new e-book on breaking porn addiction here.


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