I’m discovering that God must be so wise to know all the innumerable outcomes of our poor choices and still orchestrate all the tiny infinitesimal butterfly effects for our good.

I’m finding that God must be so gracious to know all our messed up motives and methods and selfishness and still offer grace at every step, every choice, every fork and branch in the road.

I’m understanding that God must be so compassionate to hear the prayers of billions of people at the same time and still answer them all with individual care at the same exact moment, even to two people sitting right next to each other who can’t stand each other, like a Father who wants us to get along.

I’m trusting that terrible uncontrollable circumstances don’t always need a moral spiritual lesson: but only need the presence of my ever-present Father who embraces me in my darkest shivering and my worst lament. It’s the difference between a friend giving me a lecture or a friend who is simply there. I can hear the lecture one day, but I just need Him first.

I have found that God has always had His providential loving hand in all the ways I’ve failed, entering into the fray like a divine crane to protect and provide and rebuke, writing His story into mine with many things I couldn’t understand then: but now I’m understanding them, even if only a small glimpse of His heart with my frail limited sight.

I’m seeing that His vision is bigger than mine.

— J.S.

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