How did you get to the point to being an atheist to now believing in Christ? What changed?
Hey there my friend: Here are a few thoughts on my journey from atheism to faith. I know that we won’t see eye to eye on everything, and maybe some of this will sound ridiculous or outlandish, but this is simply part of my discovery. I understand some will hate this or bring a reductionistic wit to bash it all, and that’s okay. I hope we have at least enough humility to admit we’re all still learning.
– I found atheism to be completely untenable and unsustainable.
If I were to actually follow the logic of atheism down to the bottom, it would be an endless rabbit trail of contradictions. No atheist truly lives out to their obvious conclusions, because no one really lives life as if there’s no meaning or it happened by accident or it’s a random blob of flesh and pebbles spinning off to nowhere. At some point, I had to realize as an atheist that I was being fundamentally dishonest. A hypocrite.
And those who did follow it to the end either had to 1) stabilize it by smuggling in the morality of other worldviews, or 2) went insane and killed everything. Any time your belief system needs to borrow outside itself, that’s a nail in the coffin. And any time your belief system concludes with genocide or eugenics, you’re probably better off becoming a vegan Buddhist.
– I denied faith based on everything else except intellect.
Anyone who says they’re objectively denying the divine is only kidding themselves. We have a ton of psychological, emotional, and historical reasons to hate the idea of faith. Since the concept of a higher being immediately means I need to “submit” or “follow” or “surrender,” no one is ever objective to the idea of God. We want it not to be true, so the deck is always stacked against faith.
I had to ask myself: If there was 100% intellectual proof for the existence of God, then what’s my real reason to deny His existence? And when I was honest with myself, I found a lot of reasons not to want God to exist. There were almost no reasons I wanted Him to be real. Like Aldous Huxley, I wanted God to be non-existent because I wanted the mindless sex and no authority. I had to be honest about my bias first. I came into belief kicking and screaming, or like C.S. Lewis said, “The most reluctant convert in all of England.” In the end, there are plenty of intellectual reasons that Christianity is true; I find it to be both intellectually satisfying and stimulating. But we need to be honest about why we think it’s false, and perhaps we can begin to doubt those doubts.
– Even when I didn’t think Christianity was true, I found it to be true.
For the record, I’m still very much a skeptical person. I need to see first, to be empirical and objective and analytical. I get weirded out by those miracle testimonies. I still struggle with the “spiritual gifts” and “spiritual warfare” because I tend to think these things are made-up or psychosomatic. I have no hidden agenda to think that Jesus is who he said he is.
But of course: If any system of belief can accommodate best for what happens in the world, then it’s probable this belief holds the weight of truth in itself. As my kindred brother C.S. Lewis says, if hunger exists, then so must food; if thirst exists, so must water. The scientific method finds a consistency in correlations, or that certain properties explain others, or that a theory has to illuminate why a certain thing happens. I just happen to think the universe does have a Creator who is involved, and that the divine is knowable and personal and good. Instead of formulating a theology, it felt more like I had stumbled upon Him. I believe our spiritual thirst and hunger points to something greater. I believe our concern for justice and our outrage at evil and our need for wholeness points to one who heals. I know we won’t all agree on that one: but I hope we would at least never stop being curious and to ride that discovery to the end. I think there, we could all find Him, and maybe realize He has been looking for us.
Also consider reading:
And here are a few on defending the faith: