Why I Don’t Give Straight Answers About Homosexuality (Because Everyone Starts Yelling)

Whenever someone asks me “Is homosexuality a sin?” — I back off the question like a nuclear reactor core in my living room.

Because no one is actually asking the question with a sincere heart to know the answer. Not really. It’s almost always a trap to box you inside a preprogrammed prison. Our dichotomous categories can only allow for “bigotry and homophobia” or “liberal immorality,” and no one is even pretending to have a rational conversation about it.

I’m a Christian, which means I follow Jesus. Nothing more, nothing less. If I’m pressed hard enough, I’ll say, “I believe what the Bible says about marriage, but I also believe I’m called to love like Jesus does — and he would be loving you, me, and gay people, who are also people.”

But there is more to this answer.

– Everyone is so much more than their sexual identity.

A gay person is not just a gay person. No one can be defined by a single issue, because no one is a single-issue person. Even if I “solved someone’s sexual conflicts,” whatever that means, then this person still has to pay their bills and think about the future and deal with anxiety and stress and insecurity, just like all of us do. If you quit porn or your drug habit or decided not to get the abortion, there are still tons of other areas in your life that need wisdom for the rest of your life. Raising the issue of sexuality merely reduces a person to an issue, but they’re a whole person with a whole life with many other real concerns. To simply ask about “homosexuality as sin” is woefully narrow-minded and presumes a response that’s isolated in a non-existent vacuum.

– A question of entrapment is often used as a political platform to preach to the choir and self-promote — it is not used to create dialogue.

So when the sensational news anchor or the red-faced preacher brings up the gay issue, they’re just aiming for a collective self-absorbed approval for their own dogmatic ghettos. They’re not even trying to make bridges; they’re merely reinforcing their own ivory towers.

– It’s not the church’s job to legislate morality.

However I feel about marriage: it’s not my job as a Christian to influence Capitol Hill into bending to my will. Most times everyone assumes that I’m picketing for certain laws to pass or that everyone “legally” has to believe like I do — but honestly, I’d rather be in line to volunteer at the homeless shelter or giving up my salary to fight human trafficking. The church is called to be a beacon of hope, not a legislative hammer. Jesus kept Caesar and God at a distance: because neither can ultimately inform the other.

– There is a false dichotomy of binary opposition when we force two sides against each other: and it doesn’t work.

At some point in history, because we all love to take sides and demonize the other, we’ve all broken down into political parties that stand on what we’re against. We keep doing it this way when no one stops to think: Why are we fighting like this? It’s because this is how it’s been done since forever, and we never pause to look at why we wave flags from an indoctrinated camp. We also never pause to realize: most people in a “camp” are much more layered and nuanced than we dare to believe, and we tragically don’t give others more credit than our arguments will pose.

As Timothy Keller has said, the Christian is often called towards an unpredictable posture in politics and theology, because Christians can migrate between categories by remaining above them. We are contra-categorical. Not for the sake of being “transcendent,” but we rise above it almost by accident. It’s what Jesus came to destroy at the cross. This is not some “third category” like libertarianism.

It’s the same way that Jesus was able to navigate between aristocrats and commoners, between Roman officials and blind beggars, between synagogue leaders and the demon-possessed, between the woman at the well and the Roman centurion and the rich young ruler and the criminal who hung next to him. He didn’t condone their moral positions, but he also didn’t coerce them into change. No one could pin down Jesus’s politics, because he played no games. And we don’t have to either. We can hold multiple points of views within the same tension, because we can have grace for others while maintaining the truth in balance. To be Christlike is to confront life with life.

– My job is to work on my own relationships, not judge anyone else’s. My job is to show you what I’m about, not what I’m against.

Imagine for a moment if every Christian marriage was able to pull it together and show the absolute beauty of what Christ offers. Not perfectly, but passionately. Not with manipulation or coercion or fear, but with compassion and gentle insistence. The church at large has really revoked their own right to speak on marriage until they can at least be a decent example. If we could accurately convey Gospel-centered relationships in the church, we might have a chance to see others be attracted to God’s very best. And even until then, we’re still called to love others regardless.

– We can disagree and I will still love you. Won’t you love me too?

I’m very much getting weary of being cut off by every side in this conversation. I’ve fought for gay civil rights and promoted traditional marriage, so I feel the heat from both. I’ve been called too soft on the issue; others would say I’m a bigot. Fine. But there’s such a thing as bigotry against supposed bigots, just as much as there’s supposed bigotry against liberals. It’s easy to yell “homophobia” or “liberal media” whenever you get a whiff of disagreement — because actually getting to know someone is hard sleeve-rolling work.

I’m looking for answers. No Christian would ever be ashamed to admit: they don’t know it all yet. They are in discovery, a constant in media res. I want to be teachable, to hear new things, to have honest conversations. But I get shut down too quickly on both sides, and it’s downright disheartening. I’m tired. It seems we’re too lazy to speak for both grace and truth, and we simply want to yell against a faceless enemy all the time.

This is why I cannot say I’m pro-life or pro-choice. I can’t say I’m “for” or “against” gay marriage. I’m simply pro-people. I love you, like Jesus does, and that’s that. Can we talk about it? Can I ask questions? Can we not entrap each other? Can we lay down our assumptions? Maybe over coffee? And maybe we won’t be afraid to explore what’s at stake, together. Maybe we will be better informed to change our minds. And whether or not we come around to the same place: I will still love you like crazy, because you’re a fellow God-created human being, and you deserve the same dignity as I do.

— J.S.

Originally posted here.


31 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Give Straight Answers About Homosexuality (Because Everyone Starts Yelling)

  1. Jesus never bullied people into submission. He talked to them, he made them think but he never bludgeoned anyone with his views which are truth.

    I am pro-life, I know what the bible says about homosexuality. But I also know what it says about pride, lies, envy and I still struggle with those!

    I’m going to try & just love people where they are at, if I can, with my truckload of faults.
    It’s the best we can do.

    Like you, I’m tired of the arguments & entrapment.


  2. JESUS *yeshua” SAVES ……religion sins ! PRIDE is the most abodimitable sin and i am not a PROUD homosexual just a loving homosapien and will wallk the WORLD PRIDE PARADE IN TORONTO expressing thjis dichotemy how were all deceived by politics and religion humbly meekly creatively as my creator advises ….search christ and all will be revealed !praise yeshua !


  3. Hello ,

    The fact is that the Bible almost doesn’t speak about homosexuality. It was just not that important. Lesbianism is merely not forbidden and polygamy was also condoned during centuries. Don’t forget that Abraham had a child with his servant…
    And Jesus defended an adulteress woman whilst she could be stoned according to the Old Testament. Does it mean that Jesus championed adultery ?
    Some must read a few things about David and Jonathan ambiguous relationship…


    1. David and Jonathan did not have an ambiguous relationship. They were friends who were closer than brothers. Many in contemporary society seem to think that men cannot have intimate relationships with other men without an element of sexuality. That is simply untrue.

      As to what the Bible says or doesn’t say, it does speak to same-sex behavior. And yet, you are right – there are other sexual sins that the Church too often overlooks. That does not negate what the Bible says about same-sex behavior.

      Like the author of this post says, though, we are called to love people and treat people well regardless of their sexual identities. We too often jump into black and white categories and loathe whichever one is not the group we’re in.

      We can do better.


      1. Hi pastor ,
        Perhaps you should read my comment more carefully.
        Whatever…Let’s pretend there is no ambiguity about David and Jonathan relationship or that this is just a modern controversy (which is not the case). David can’t be exonerated from many illegitimate deeds such as adultery , treason , plot etc… which could have made him stoned. 


          1. Ok , I’m not a native english speaker, so maybe my english is just too bad. But I wrote that “he could have”. What’s the point with drug use ?


          2. You’re right David never was stoned , but he did throw a stone to a very big guy named Goliath. And it looks like this stone had a big impact on theology. 


  4. When God says it is wrong to not love someone it makes no difference what we believe. God is always right.
    When God says it is wrong to not give to the poor, it is wrong no matter what we believe.
    When God says we are to love our enemies, it is wrong not to. Why? Because God says so.
    God says what is right and what is wrong.
    Since God says the practice of homosexuality is wrong, God is correct no matter what we believe. God is always right and we are always wrong when we disagree with God.
    When you actually love someone you tell them the truth, you don’t lie to them.


  5. Nice footwork but no cigar. You are silent on some pretty important moral issues of our time. People tried to trap Jesus with leading questions of the time, too. He never avoided an answer, although he didn’t always give the answer they expected, and he seemed to be aware of their deception. Jesus was love incarnate. I can not, for the life of me, see how love would be silent on same-sex marriage and killing an unborn child? Not taking sides is in fact taking a side. Bonhoeffer was a pastor, too. He struggled with fascism and the final solution. He took a stand, even to the point of supporting the assassination of Hitler, and it cost him his life, naked on the end of a rope on the gallows in prison.


  6. …I guess I’ve watched too many movies about this same subject, and it’s usually the obsessive psychotic christian that hits everybody over the head with Bible verses, then becomes a bomber to destroy those that are different than their ideas…..It’s all crazy….so just relax and go with the flow….I am sure there are many many people that love JESUS in their own way. It’s all about your own personal relationship with GOD.


  7. Oh please, you Christian speaks so much bullshit, I can’t stand it. If you truly are a Christian that follows Jesus and the bible, then your position are clear in the world. You are the evil, hate-mongering group. Stop trying to act otherwise, because if you truly do act as you say and not just words, you will quit Christianity.



    1. @ Valar D.
      Once again , atheists ( at least many of them ) who persecuted gays during the Cold War (for instance , just Google : “article 121 in the USSR”) try to lecture Christians. 
      Never forget what History says…
      Christians never sent gays in concentration camps in recent years.


    2. Here are the words of a Chinese agnostic person about homosexuality :

      « That’s a very interesting question, one I was thinking about asking because modern communist China, as a generally atheist country, also oppose homosexuality. This attitude strike me as rather strange, since there has been long history of open homosexuality in our history. Granted, homosexuality was never “mainstream” popular as in the ancient Greece, but it was never a big taboo in ancient China as with Christianity. Kings, Emperors, famous literati all have records of openly kept gay lovers, poems, verses, and paintings are devoted to homosexuality or bi-sexuality in many cases. The traditional attitude was like this: as long as the guys give their family an heir with their wives, people doesn’t seem to care much about their lover boy kept on the side. Homosexuality wasn’t even that much a problem during early 20th century. 

      Yet after communist took over, it suddenly become a huge taboo, people start thinking about it as some disgusting mental problem, and it wasn’t until early 90s (I think), that homosexuality has been removed from “mental disease” list. So today homosexuality is just a big taboo as in western Christian country, maybe even more so. 

      I never quite understand where this despise come from, I mean, we don’t have religion to blame after all. […]

      But I think the point of this story is that, deep down it’s not about religion, it’s about fear and ignorance. 

      See Valad ? 😏
      Russia , China … Whatever !


    3. Being Christian is Following Jesus, and Jesus taught about Uncondiontal LOVE. You slay Christians for “hate” but yet your words are so hateful towards Christians.
      I’m not saying there are no Christians that aren’t hateful, nor that we are perfect, but just because there are Christians out there like that doesn’t mean we should all be labeled under that stereotype.


  8. Thank you for this. The most telling line in your post was, “… this person still has to pay their bills and think about the future and deal with anxiety and stress and insecurity, just like all of us do.”


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