Anonymous asked (edited)
What’s the point in living? There’s going to be judgement day, the world’s going to end anyway. … If there is an end, everything we do would be useless … Maybe one’s purpose may be to make this world a better place. Forget it, the world’s going to end. … If I want to meet my Father in heaven, I can just kill myself and make my life much easier.
I hate this world. Why can’t I kill myself to go to this place? Why would I go to hell if I killed myself? Why am I working so hard to survive in this world? … I’m sinful. I’m guilty. I’m not happy at all. I’m not grateful for being alive. … Why should I live in a world that ruled by the devil? The prince of this world is the devil. Instead of living in the devil’s world where I could get tempted and go through pain and suffering, I just want to leave this world. Wouldn’t I be more happy in the heavenly world with my Father and Jesus with me?
You know, I’ve asked myself a lot of these same questions. I think all of us have. When I meet elder people who come to Christian faith late in their lives, they always ask, “Why can’t God just take me home now? I’m too old to be a Christian.”
I don’t have an easy answer or a formula for everything you mentioned. In fact, anything I say on this might be ultimately disappointing. But I do know that 1) God originally created the world perfectly, 2) the world now is currently not as it ought to be (which we all know), and 3) the very fact that we can struggle with these things means we are alive, which means our lives have already launched into being.
When I say “our lives have already launched,” it’s like when you begin playing a song or giving a public speech. You’re now in the middle of it. You’ve started and now you must finish, and there’s a constant tension of how it will end. But since it’s been launched, you must choose to do something with it. So we can either give into pessimism, or numb ourselves with optimism, or keep some healthy balance of both.
Some days I’m overly optimistic. Other days I just want to yell “Screw you people.” But everyday, I choose to fight. I fight evil, oppression, injustice, sin. I fight for happiness, for joy, for fellowship, for the things of God. Why? Some days I don’t even know. It doesn’t always feel worth it. Sometimes I choose the right thing and I get screwed over, and I see people do the wrong thing and get rewarded.
But given the current reality of our world and the fact that my life has already launched, I would rather fight on the side of good. I would rather know for ME (at the very least, and for God at the most) that I am giving life, not taking it, and that I used my life to give it away even when the odds were against me. That’s ultimately and ironically how we find peace. By fighting for it.
I don’t think “dying to go straight to Heaven” is a viable option. To be blunt, it’s selfish. I don’t want to quit in the middle of a song; I would rather finish badly than not finish at all. I believe there’s work to be done here while I’m alive, and I want my friends and family to go with me when this story is done.
I also believe that God’s final victory is the biggest hope for us, because this story has a happy ending. It means we’re in the middle part of the story, and God has given us the free will to choose whether we want to be part of the happy ending or be part of the other side. If it’s between the two, I don’t want the other side.
I know that sounds trite right now, because it’s such a churchy thing to say: but that doesn’t make it less true. We live in the “Now / Not Yet,” when God has already made all things good, but we have yet to see it complete. And at some point, we must resolve ourselves to be okay with that.
Maybe this is not what you wanted to hear, but please pray about a renewed spirit to care again. You have a part in this story to heal your corner of the universe. You still have a life to give life. I pray that you do. And please feel free to message me any time.
— J.S.
J.S. Park: Hospital Chaplain 
This has got to the be one of the best worded posts about living for God vs. Suicide that I have ever read. Thank you for your loving heart towards everyone that you provide advice and answers to and for speaking about this topic with so much grace and positive emotion.
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Thank you so much, my friend. I know even these words will still be inadequate for many, but I pray anything will get through.
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I agree 100% that sometimes it just sucks to be here. We need to ALWAYS remember one thing, though. GOD IS SOVEREIGN OVER OUR LIVES, NOT US. If we are to come to salvation and spend eternity in that wonderful place, IT WILL BE ON HIS TERMS, NOT OURS. For whatever reason (which I complain about as much as the next guy), He has mandated that he has work for us to do, growing for us to do, and a life for us to live, before we can be in Heaven with Him. He wants us to learn to truly know Him here first before we see Him face to face. Those are HIS terms, and HE is in charge here. As sorry as I sometimes am to face the fact, there are no shortcuts here. Once we embrace this truth, though, we begin to be able to see the joy in the journey. If you can persevere, the answers will come! Don’t lose heart when there is so much to gain from living the rest of your life for Him! In my experience, He will never tell you what those things are before you start. You just have to live it to find them along the way. And you will if you TRUST HIM! It’s worth it!
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I just want to say AMEN to your prayer, and I mean that deeply for all who ask this kind of question and read this article.
Peace
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having struggled with suicidal thoughts for large chunks of my adult life, I really appreciate and commend this amazing response, JS.
you get it. life can be bloody sometimes, more often than not, BUT you point out the need to finish the race. you don’t downplay the hard stuff, the doubts, the disappointments but you do point to the HOPE and it’s that that keeps me going – the hope I, we all have in Christ our Saviour. theses words can sound trite but that’s because they’ve been abused & used insincerely by others.
you, my brother, have used them as they were meant to be used.
I truly hope & pray that Anonymous finds a reason to keep going, that they find that HOPE.
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Thank you my dear friend. It’s definitely a tough tension that often words cannot cover or heal. So many times we walk with a “cloud,” whether it’s a prodigal family member or suicidal thoughts or a relational loss, and it won’t be until glory that all of it is really healed. Until then though, I’d rather fight.
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