– Hi there! Can you explain to me what’s so great about marriage and saving myself? Won’t I be missing out on having sex with other people?
– Pastor Park, I am Christian as is my boyfriend. We are older and I have told him from the start that I do not want to engage in sexual intercourse before marriage. He seemed fine with it but every now and then pressures and or guilts me by saying that everyone does it but us. We have friends who are Christian and do it themselves but I cannot bring myself to do it. How can I convince him in a Christian manner that I do not want to because I think it is a sacred act?
Hey dear friends: So this is a very complicated issue that I know the world increasingly pushes away as old-fashioned moralism. I understand that most people will not see eye to eye on anything the Bible has to say about sex, and it’s in fact the very reason that most visitors think the church is an out-of-touch institution that polices our behavior.
But I strongly believe the more we look into God’s plan for us, the more it will make sense at the logical, emotional, physical, and spiritual level. If we can really think through why God would even give us this vision: it will win as the most sensible option.
Before making objections like “What about ___?” — please at least consider that fasting from sex until marriage could certainly work out for the mental and emotional health of the couple. It’s easy to just buy into the societal “norm” about sex and shrug off the Bible on this area, but I’ve seen (and been through) too many miserable sexual disasters to not at least speak up about this. Because I love you.
I know many will disagree quickly and say “Sex and morality are two separate issues.” While I do think sex has a moral dimension, I also believe it’s equally an issue of wisdom. God would only give us these sort of commands for a broken world if He knew the trouble that sex could cause — and if He also knew the best way to find maximum joy through it.
Sex has the power to be the most destructive or most joyful thing in the world. However you feel about the modern state of Christianity, I very much hope we can consider hearing (and following) what the Bible has to say on it. Please consider that most of us already have a predisposed bias to shutting this out as crazy church talk. Whether you admit it or not, you have a vested interest in wanting to have mindless sex. So let’s please drop our biases, even for a moment. God loves you and cares for you in this area, regardless of how the church fumbled the message on it. The heart of God is for you.
So a question upfront: