I recently found out that a church brother I’m crushing on has been interested in another sister for a while. They’re committed to each other but also keeping distance to see how things go. I’d be lying if I said I’m alright. I’m absolutely overwhelmed with anger, sorrow, self-pity and jealousy all bubbling at the core of my being. It is so utterly difficult for me to put God first and not look for approval from men. How do I move forward and learn to find my identity and security in God alone?
Hey my friend, I’m really sorry that happened, and you have a right to feel how you feel. I wish I could weep with you too. Let all those emotions wash out of your system each day as you let it go, and vent as much as you like to your closest friends and to God Himself. He can certainly handle it.
However, I have to be very, very blunt with you here, because I love you and I want you to be better. Please hear this as balanced wisdom, and that I both sympathize with your pain and want to offer a bit of sober reality. You did ask for it.
It’s possible this is the best thing that could’ve ever happened to you. I don’t mean that in a positive way like “God has another plan” or “Just wait for your best” or something. I mean: you needed this to happen in order to drag out all those horrible feelings and confront the truth about yourself. You needed to be exposed.
I don’t mean to diminish what you’re going through and I know it hurts, more than you could know. But see: the fact that you became “overwhelmed with anger, sorrow, self-pity, and jealousy” already shows you’re not ready for this relationship right now.
This is a hard thing for me to say and I’m sure you want to fight it. If I do sound insensitive right now, you can stop reading at this very word and never read here again, and I’ll understand.
But let’s say you ended up with this guy and got everything you ever wanted. In your current state, you might have been overly controlling and paranoid and envious and then totally crushed him. The relationship would’ve been idolized right at the start, and it would’ve shrank you into a person you never wanted to be.
Again, I don’t mean to sound like an ass and maybe I’m presuming too much. If I’m way off, I’m sorry, and you can blog-punch me in the face. But you asked, “How do I move forward and learn to find my identity and security in God alone?” Well this is it, my sister. This is the way. This is your time now to find security in Him.