All That Relationship Advice — A Mega-Post on Relationships

Multiple anonymous questions —

[As always, please feel free to skip around]

– Hi, PJ. I need your help on something. I feel very guilty of my feelings lately. I am interested in this boy, but I feel like I’m not supposed to. Like God doesn’t want me to. I want my eyes to be fixed on Jesus, yet I am wanting to also get to know this boy as much as I do Jesus. I’m not sure what to do? Are these feelings for this boy bad?… Friends have told me to not feel guilty because God made us to have feelings and it’s what makes us human.

Hey my friend, thanks for being so honest here.

Your friends are right that feelings are human and they’re not all bad.  But also: Having feelings does NOT mean you have to follow through with them.

You might feel like beating up your boss or driving through the guardrails, but thank God we don’t always do what we feel.

Instead, let’s back this up and ask some important questions.

Why do I want to be in a relationship with this boy?

What will happen if I follow through with this?

Am I even ready for anything like this?

Where are these feelings coming from?  Are they based in a mature understanding of relationships or a derivative pseudo-romance from some movies I watched?

Where did I learn my idea of relationships from?

What are your motives? Are you longing for this because you’re afraid of being alone? Or dislike being single? Or because this boy is cute in the face?

See: Most people do NOT get to the bottom of their feelings.  They just follow the latest, loudest emotion and run themselves into oblivion, and then repeat themselves without learning from the last season. Many of us have bought into paradigms about dating, sex, money, fame, and success without clearly thinking for ourselves.

I’m not saying you’ve done this. Actually, I believe you are smart and capable enough to reflect on these things and root out what’s right. You will discover some good motives and some messy ones; you’ll find out what’s really driving you. But it takes that confrontation with yourself first. So please go through your heart with prayer and deep reflection, and I think the bigger you see God’s power, purpose, and presence: the more you will gain perspective.

— J

– Hi, Pastor J! I’d like to say that I’ve been in good terms with a friend and he recently confessed his feelings for me. I told him that I felt the same way but we agreed not to go steady immediately; instead, develop our friendship first. It’s going well so far and we try our best to center God in our relationship. We go online to have Bible study every night, and comfort each other with the Word of God. Just wondering if you have any thoughts on how to make this a more fruitful relationship?

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