Please do not determine the course of your life based on what you think is possible today.
You might feel like you’re stuck in a rut or circling a doubt or anchored to a feeling: but the thing is, I would never put it past God to uppercut your life. He can, does, and will. When God is in the equation, mountains get moved and any kind of heart in any condition can surprise itself.
We can’t really claim that your current slice of life right now is how you will always feel. Don’t take a tiny percentage of your journey as a reflection of the whole thing. Please be open to the possibility that God will do anything He wants through you.