Still A Rookie: The Secret Anxiety of Every Blogger



A guy who sometimes reads my blog told me, “You must be really well-adjusted. You’re not like those other Christians.”

I wasn’t sure what this meant. I wanted to tell him that as much as I love writing inspirational things, I’m actually pretty crazy inside. Honestly — I’m often two loose bolts from falling apart at high speed.

I get the feeling many of us blog the same way we live: sort of preaching at others how we would like to be, vaguely implying our real selves through ambiguous glimpses, never fully letting on how neurotic and insecure we really are. So much of it is for show. We think if we can inspire others, we’re probably doing a good job at life and it shouldn’t matter how I feel if others can feel better. It’s living vicariously through others in reverse.

But that’s the point: We all secretly blog about how we would rather be. There’s an approximate ideal image we wear in public that loses its polish when you get up close. Some of that is hypocrisy maybe — but I sense that even in the striving, we are finding who we really are.

I don’t think I’m well-adjusted. But hopefully our blogs are not “preaching” anything we’re not already trying to do. Hopefully our blogs are more being than wanna-be. And I think we’re all sort of trying to get it right together. I wish we could be open about that in a way where we’re not glorifying the struggle to get pity and attention, but open enough to quit sounding like we know what we’re doing. We inspire each other when we’re real about the mess inside.

I’m still a rookie at all this. We all are, and it’s okay to be honest about that.

— J

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10 thoughts on “Still A Rookie: The Secret Anxiety of Every Blogger

  1. Yes! My husband, oldest daughter and closest friend each read my blog (oh, and my Mom) and will quickly put me in my place if it appears that I am saying something that I’m not living. That accountability is important for me, but it can also make it difficult to write without a certain audience in mind!Still a rookie at blogging, and at life….

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    1. I think it gets slightly different with family, in that they see us at our worst and can sometimes hold it against us. That can turn accountability into a critical filter very quickly. But it’s also true that family is needed for that honesty.

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  2. “even in the striving, we are finding who we really are.” Absolutely. The striving is the journey. We’re all struggling, all doing what we can to look a little more like Jesus, and along the way, hoping to reflect his light onto others and tell our story to make it a little easier, clearing the path, using love instead of a machete.

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  3. So true. I feel like this all the time. And it’s the same when it comes to teaching in church. I can’t tell others to do things I’m not doing (or attempting to do with Christ’s help) myself.

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    1. Yes. Of course, that shouldn’t ever stop us from saying the truth anyway. Go for it! Humility can sometimes turn into self-loathing, which is never good. I should’ve added that “my bad thing doesn’t cancel your bad thing,” so that even a guy who cheats his taxes should be able to tell me to (for example) quit fighting small animals.

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  4. My bubble has been burst 🙂 !
    The one thing I remember is context. When I conduct a funeral service the mourners don’t need me blubbering at the front, even though that is hard sometimes to avoid. I will cry with them one-on-one and privately, but in the service this would be selfish and focus on my grief rather than others.
    i am struck by the troubles some people have endured or still endure. I have seen hell here on earth, sure enough, but if I bring that up all the time am I just being childish – “my trouble’s bigger than your trouble!”
    Some things I have faced. Some things I am facing. Some things I have yet to face. My prayer will be that I don’t come across as holier-than-Jesus-makes-me.
    Are you really not all together, Brother?
    Peace

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  5. What a great blog. Really makes you think! My hope is that my blog conveys MY truth- all of our truths really, which is that I am a total wreck without Jesus.

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