Hello! Do you believe in soul mates? Do we pick and choose who we want or does God have a way of placing a certain someone in our lives?
I say this with as much grace as possible, but my very short answer is 1) sort of and 2) both.
I do believe God has a plan and a blueprint and a vision for your life: but I also believe that if we fall off the tracks, God still has something else in mind.
Mathematically, the idea of a “soulmate” doesn’t work out. If you don’t end up with your soulmate, then they don’t end up with their soulmate, which means their soulmate’s soulmate doesn’t either, and so it goes for infinity.
But more than that, the idea of a soulmate can accidentally lead to a passive laziness as if a knight will bust in the room and rescue you from a tower. It can lead to a paralyzing fear if you target-lock on someone and lose them. It can make us stop working on anything, thinking that marriage “completes you,” that the chemistry is enough to keep it working, that the person you’re looking for “accepts” you and is not interested in pushing you to your higher self in Christ — and I know none of that is your intention, but I’ve seen it happen so much that it’s worth mentioning.
I find that friendship is already extremely difficult work. I feel like I’ve known my best friends for longer than I have, and certainly there’s a comfort and openness and honesty with them that allows me to be totally screwy around them: but friendship, even the kind that feels like fate, requires hard work. It needs nutrition, sustenance, and caretaking, like everything else. Maybe “soul-mate-ness” brought us together, but it doesn’t keep thriving from it.
While I don’t want to get caught in the crossfire of predestination and free-will, I believe God knows the person we’re going to end up with (God would know because He’s God) but He also lets us choose this with active determination and participation in His Story (God would allow this because He’s God). How these two fit together: I don’t know. My three lb. brain is allergic to paradoxes.
On one hand, you are wired for a certain type of person. You can rule out a lot of stuff by knowing your non-negotiables. But on the other hand, if you haven’t met “the one,” you can hardly imagine what they will be like and it won’t be someone you could’ve guessed. It’s like looking back at the last ten years of your life: most of us couldn’t have guessed where we’d be today nor the type of person we are right now.
I can almost guarantee your “one” won’t fit your current checklist — though he or she certainly could — not only since God enjoys surprising us, but because every single person is uniquely crafted, wildly complex, and wonderfully flawed. A soulmate is infinitely more boring than the real whole person we will eventually find.
I must also close here by saying: to “become” the right person for someone else is good and all, but it’s less important than just belonging fully to the Lord. We probably make a very big drama out of dating and romance when it’s a little easier (and more thrilling) to pursue Jesus, and along the way, we’ll see someone else pursuing Him too, and we can call that a greenlight blessing.