My friend was telling me about this really good guest preacher at a recent retreat he attended — one I had preached at several times myself — and immediately my puny wicked mind tried to find flaws in the preacher’s theology. It was so automatic I felt the criticism go up my throat like acid reflux.
Why did my mind jump to this right away?
Why so jealous?
The whole time, my friend was saying how great this preacher was. I should’ve been thanking God for working through the guy. But my pathetic little brain was itching to play “gotcha,” looking for ways to poke holes in the sermon illustrations, finding an easy weak spot to conclude some horrible character flaw.
“Well if he talked about impurity, he must be a porn addict. You know, these passive-aggressive preachers are just exorcising their demons in the pulpit.”
Seriously: I was ready to say something this awful.
What if the preacher had actually sucked? Would I have been happy about that? Because part of me thinks: Yes, I would’ve been thrilled.
Suddenly the truth bubbled up through my conscience:
I don’t want anyone to be better than me.
It was violently disorienting. I felt sick to stomach. Finally I forced my mouth to say, “I’m really glad you were convicted by the sermon.” The words barely made it through my clenched contorted teeth and I seethed it through my pursed lips.
Why was it so hard to compliment this preacher I’ve never met before?
The thing is: I have probably done this hundreds of times. We quickly dismiss someone’s God-given potential by finding the tiniest crack in their ability — and if we look hard enough, we’ll find something. It will somehow make us feel okay again, because we’re always threatened by someone who is slightly better than ourselves.
This is just twisted. It is wrong. I am guilty.
Sometimes a friend will share a post with me, some blog, some sermon — and I get so smug and uppity. I throw a suffocating filter on other peoples’ ministries until I mentally strangle them into a worthless heap. I hate doing this, and it’s exhausting.
Can any of us simply be happy about another person’s excellence? Do we always have to hunt for those weaknesses? Of course we have the right to criticize. Of course we must discern when something is off. Of course we shouldn’t receive everything as good and God-ordained. But maybe we can take the extra minute to really show grace from the get-go. Maybe we could find reasons to celebrate instead of downgrade. Jesus does for us too, you know.
Really: I am in no position to hater-block the sovereign work of God through the amazing talent of others. If their theology is a little sloppy or their illustrations are weak or their personality bugs me: show me one person who is perfect at these things, and I’ll show you a six-legged unicorn.
I mean does anyone meet our standard of hyper-perfection? No — most especially ourselves. If you held your own standard to yourself: you would instantly burst into flames. Me, too.
We all know the guy who constantly finds problems with someone. “I like this guy, BUT the only thing is …” or “Yeah the guy was good, BUT my problem with him is …”
Do you know what God’s kind of “but” is?
We were dead in our transgressions, BUT because of His great love for us, He sent His Son to give his life for us.
We were once far off and enemies of Christ, BUT God drew us near by the cost of the blood of His Son.
Jesus doesn’t have “Yeah but my problem with him is –” because the heart of Christ doesn’t turn that way. So neither must we.
If someone is good at what they do: I will celebrate God working in them. If someone is bad at what they do: I will celebrate God working in them.
I don’t want to play these jealous-haterade games within the grand scope of God’s glorious power working through the least likely — because if God can work through a dummy like me, surely He can work through everyone else.
I want to get out of my own way and give God the glory.
J.S. Park: Hospital Chaplain, Skeptical Christian 
Bravo about blogging about a topic where people do not want to look in the mirror, but until we do, we will not be free!
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I know it’s probably a bit too candid. Thank you!
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I laughed cos I see myself in it. But thank you, it helps me deal with my pride. English is my third language and most times I lack words to truly describe this. You said it well for me. Thank you for daily ministering to me
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Thanks Doris! Your English is great by the way.
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I am honoured to share so deeply in your life through this. The First Nation people I have worked with for over 2 decades attribute a lot of problems to jealousy. At first I thought it was overdone, until I looked more carefully and find they are right. It brings new power to “Laugh with those who laugh and weep with those who weep”.
Peace
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Jealousy is such a tough issue. Anything so ingrained in us becomes really hard to see, or we just tolerate it. I’m reminded of how the ubiquity of certain problems like gluttony or laziness or pride make them almost invisible, so we end up focusing on “sensational” issues to downplay the prevalent ones. But pride is just as much a problem as drug addiction. God have mercy on us for all of it.
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Sad, but true of your observations, and Amen to your prayer.
Peace
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This has been a huge issue for me. Sometimes, to be honest, I still struggle with it. I wrote a post about something similar, and thought you might like to read it: http://lessonsbyheart.wordpress.com/2013/04/13/forget-about-the-lifeboat/
Have a blessed day – and thanks for being real. You give the rest of us permission to do likewise!
\o/
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Praise God for grace on the journey! I’ve struggled with this. I have no problem with popular musicians but there was a time that I struggled with people in my own church. I was the main flute player at a church. Then this girl played who was better than me. Automatically I didn’t want to play the flute anymore. I guess it was insecurity meets jealousy.
Later, I met a Mama who joined our group and she blogs like I do. At first I found myself comparing. Now I enjoy having someone that also takes photos at the group. It’s frustrating dealing with the green monster. When we truly abide with Jesus we have to face the ugliness within. Sometimes I grit my teeth and tell God “Yes, I know but I really don’t want to deal with it right now.” Man, conviction is painful!
Thank you for being so honest and raw. It encourages me to do so in my own blogging. God bless!
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Thanks Amber! I’m definitely not above this either. I think in a world of famous super-preachers who never stutter or stumble, it’s easy for pastors to feel like they’re barely making it. I’ve seen congregations awe over conference pastors but then turn their nose up at their own local pastors: and while there might be more going on there, I can understand the jealousy sometimes. But as you said, I think we can all learn to enjoy each other’s company and learn from those who are better than us too. 🙂
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So true :). It’s good to know that God has us in this very generation and where we are at for a purpose. The super preachers are where they need to be but so are you. Nobody can do what you’re doing because God put you where you are and you’re the one he wants there. It would’ve been crazy if Paul had tried to be Peter or he completely missed his ministry because he didn’t feel like a true apostle. That could happen to us but I pray that it never will. Down with insecurity and jealousy! Long live the High King! 😀
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This is so crazy but after I commented, this came up on Pinterest! Neat lol :).
http://lori-benotweary.blogspot.com/2014/04/the-sin-no-one-talks-about.html
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Wow. Thank you for posting this. I felt like being in the middle of a resting camp (early morning for me) in the middle of a war (about to head out of the house). And it felt almost like, this post was you sharing yourself but also this post comes with power to encourage others as well.
I am not fully “jealousy-free” after reading your post, but I think I would desire God to put a heart in me that is big enough to understand – celebrating God working in them, whether what they are good or bad at what they do. Please pray for me that I may find and rest in identity being satisfied in Christ Himself.
God bless.
-Ryan
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