Question: Getting Over A Break-Up

Anonymous asked:

I can’t get over the breakup I recently went through with a boy I really love. I’ve tried so hard to rely on God to get me through, but I’m still hurting so much. I feel guilty that leaning on God for help hasn’t been enough to stop hurting.

I’m really sorry this is happening and I totally feel your pain on this one. I have had seven (!) ex-girlfriends and every break-up totally sucked.

But please, please, please: do NOT feel bad about feeling bad. You are allowed to feel your feelings and you’re allowed to mourn your loss. You shouldn’t feel guilty for how you feel: and no one including yourself should ever belittle you on what you’re going through.

Do not beat yourself up over this. God understands. Weeping over an ex-boyfriend is NOT idolatry. This is all a natural part of the process called life. Healing takes time and intentionality: but you can go at your own pace.

A break-up will be a lot like grieving over a death. You’re sort of burying your former schedule, intimacy, memories, and presence of this other person. That takes time. You wrestle with it each day, not denying the pain or numbing the emotions, but letting it froth to the surface. Some days you’ll cry. Some days you’ll be angry. But I promise you: it will get easier each day as you bring it to God and move on.


Right now it feels like this is always how it will feel like. You’ll be tempted to get a rebound or get drunk or to kick your ex in the crotch. Some of us (like me) go into long self-evaluating spirals of loathing. Hang in there. Take these things to the Lord in prayer: and I’ll add, you don’t have to be pretty about it. Rage out and shake a fist and heave as much as you need.

Before you know it, you’ll notice all the colors of the world around you again. Food will taste good. You’ll find yourself laughing, even about your ex. The empty ache will become dull and you’ll feel lighter and you’ll be refreshed with God and it’ll be like you’re meeting Him all over again.

Life goes on, and so must you, and God still has a purpose for you on this earth while you have breath left to live. Let it hurt, but keep moving.

In the meantime, hang with your church and your girls and your parents. Talk with your pastor. As much as you’re allowed to hurt, also give yourself permission to have a good time. Read good books. Be with groups. Try new things. You’re also a free lady now, so in due time, you’ll find a good-looking dude who is chasing Jesus. Be ready to have your past-baggage unloaded before you go there.

I’m rooting for you, and so is God.

— J.S.


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