You are discovering how hard it can actually be to follow God in a distracting world, and no one is blaming you for that. Don’t let a couple tough attempts shut you down. The evangelical church has been really good at making the Christian life a “one-time one-chance one-shot or-it’s-over” sort of thing. But the Bible most paints the Christian life as a walk, taking steps, to ask God for daily bread. And God has more than enough grace to build you forward.