Porn Addiction: An Introduction



Edit: October 23rd, 2015
– My book on quitting porn addiction is in paperback for only $6.10 and e-book for 2.99 on Amazon! It’s been officially endorsed by Craig Gross of X3Church. It contains this entire series of posts plus brand new info, fully updated and fleshed out, with specific steps to quit.


An ongoing discussion about victory over sexual addiction.

Part One, excuses and myths, here.

Part Two, the science, here.

Part Three, the soul, here.

Part Four: I’m Ready To Cut It Off. Here.

Why Do I Use Porn? Why Can’t I Stop? Here.

My podcast series “Cutting It Off” — here.

Every question submitted about porn on this blog, here.



As a recovered porn addict having been sober for a while now by the grace of God, I’d love to set up a “workshop” where I can answer your questions and share how to recover.

I pray over the weeks that you’ll gain confidence in freedom from the slavery of sexual addiction. This is no longer a problem in church, but the problem. No one talks about it. But we need to talk about it.

I went on a research binge when I first became serious about recovery so I will be sharing some of the stats and facts here. Please know that I can’t answer every question but will try my best to address them all.

I am a recovering porn addict.

This isn’t all I am. We tend to define ourselves by our failures — there’s the drunkaholic, the drop-out, the town whore, the depressed emo guy — but you can also become addicted to recovering. Undergoing recovery from addictions is good, but we all need something more.

If you claim to be a Christian, then you’re defined not by your failures and trophies, but found, forgiven, and fulfilled in Jesus Christ.

We are all recovering from something, but it’s not only from something. It’s to a greater something.

If you’re serious about overcoming sexual addiction, it can’t be about getting better for yourself. Though God allows, even commands, a joyfulness and boasting in Christ, it’s because of the last part — in Christ. He has set a greater purpose for you beyond constant recovery.


People fail at overcoming sin because they follow a strict checklist but with their newfound free time ask, “Now what?” Most rehab programs just hope for the best in the aftermath.

Saying that Jesus is the answer sounds too simple. But don’t we dumb people tend to complicate things? It’s really that simple. Our sanctification in Christ is for Him.

To make an obsession of it gets complicated, and my goal as your friend in Christ is to unburden you, not weigh you down with methods and mantras. The healed blind man didn’t say, “I once was blind but now I’m blind.” Jesus never said “I’m one of the ways to truth and a pretty good life.”

Here are two terms I’ll be using that are critical in shaping recovery and post-recovery from sexual addiction. I’ve ripped off some of this from better pastors and writers. I’m still learning and by no means do I know all there is to know. I still want to share what I do know.

Sobriety. If you’re dead serious about recovery, you’ll call yourself sober from addiction. When you’re not sober, you call it other things: a mistake, a mess-up, a boo-boo, an oops. How about disobedience? Rebellion? Lying to yourself? Sin?

Sobriety also means you can never go back. You refuse to allow porn and sexual sin to be an option. Simple: I refuse to go back and it is no longer an option.

Alcoholics in AA don’t even pretend they can handle alcohol anymore. They refuse one drop. The first of their Twelve Steps says, “We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.” The third step says, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.”

Not to be cute, but it’s sobering to call each day “sober.” It brings to light the seriousness of the problem. It does not trivialize the destructive nature of addiction. We call out the Enemy for who he is.

Self-worship. Every resource I’ve studied on porn addiction states that using porn masks a deeper issue. It’s never about the porn. The porn is used to escape something else. We use it when we’re frustrated, lonely, tired, angry, or longing.

But I’ve found this isn’t always a one-to-one correlation. Sometimes I used porn because it just felt good. Right after a retreat where I cried and prayed and sang with other Christians, I’d go home and use porn because I felt I “deserved” it. Or I’d just be horny. The issue wasn’t always that I was a victim of an emotional state. The problem was that I worshipped the pleasure of my penis. It was an act of self-worship. I was a porn addict because I was a pride addict.

All sexual sin in the short term is pleasurable. Some people feel remorse about it, but the more you do it the more it erodes your God-given compass of righteousness and humility. You can easily think that sex is the point of talking to women, brushing your teeth, getting a haircut, or having a good job — and that’s self-worship. It’s to say you’re higher than God and that the pleasure of your lubricated hand is better than the pleasure of knowing God, who made pleasure.

One time I left a light on while masturbating to porn. Somehow I also left the blinds open. Right before climax, I saw myself in the reflection of the window. I stopped. My stomach went sick at the sight of my hand on myself, my face all contorted in filthy pleasure from what I was doing. That night I couldn’t finish. I knew God saw me the same way, with a righteous compassionate heart that had a better destiny for me. But I didn’t quit altogether because I never confronted the pride of worshiping myself.

Questions: Are you willing to do whatever it takes, minus hurting yourself and others, to be sober from sexual addiction? How?

Can you admit that you think you’re God? How and why do you elevate yourself to that position? How will you humble yourself?

Next installment: The Myths and Excuses of Porn Addiction

Originally posted on my Tumblr.



Consider reading here for information about recovery from addictions.



– My new book on quitting porn addiction is here! In paperback for only $5.99 or e-book for 2.99 on Amazon!

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17 thoughts on “Porn Addiction: An Introduction

  1. I’m so glad you’re here helping others with this issue. I believe you’re fulfilling God’s purpose in your life and His plan. Porn is a serious threat to this nation and the world, actually. It changes the brain of those who become addicted to it; this has been scientifically proven.

    God bless you and keep up the good work!

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  2. Oh how I needed this! I realized this past weekend that my lust addiction is a vehicle for my ego. Since late 2008, I’ve been living for myself and loving myself – because I didn’t see anyone else living for me or loving me for me. I thought I deserved X (a real family). I was tired of being the good daughter, of doing my duty, of adult responsibility. So I just let go and acted like a spoiled teenager. I drowned my sorrows in the world’s wine, but sometimes with a Christian flavor = Narnia, DVDs, music, romantic fantasies, porn, etc. And now come the consequences. I’ve failed everyone, including myself! Read my blog posts below. I’ll write more on this in the coming weeks. I need to repent and get over myself.

    http://imagodeivision.wordpress.com/2012/02/25/the-body-is-for-the-lord-fighting-god/
    http://imagodeivision.wordpress.com/2012/03/19/walking-in-lies-my-confession/

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    1. Definitely. Triggers are certainly a danger and hopefully I’ve given warnings where it’s about to happen. I also believe it’s probably impossible to talk about specific issues without getting specific, though as you alluded, gratuitous over-sharing is not helpful.

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      1. Thank you for your reply. With all due respect (and I do respect all the good you share), I believe it is possible to talk about specific issues without giving details. I blogged about it today.

        I’d like to suggest a filter: If you would not read the entire description of the scene in which you caught your reflection in the widow to your grandmother, then perhaps we can all do without it. I don’t want to read anything you wouldn’t read to your grandma. And now I can’t recommend your book to the teens and parents to whom I minister for fear that it might suck some in, or cause a relapse.

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        1. Whether I agree or not, I totally understand. Each person has a different threshold of triggers, and all books will set someone off at some point. C.S. Lewis talks about strip clubs in Mere Christianity, Brennan Manning talks about masturbation in Ragamuffin Gospel, Donald Miller talks about his first Playboy in Blue Like Jazz, almost all Christian authors talk about their own depression and suicidal thoughts. If by the logic of Romans 14 it would be too much for your conscience, then you’re doing the best thing for yourself and I’m wholly with you and for you. Any book we read would have to be individually discerned. Thanks for sharing honestly!

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          1. So, you never said whether or not you would read that entire description to your grandma?

            And did C.S. Lewis describe in detail what goes on in strip clubs, because I don’t remember that part. Love him.

            Only read parts of Blue Like Jazz – saw the movie – don’t know how descriptive Donald got with regard to Playboy, but my mom would say, “If everyone else had a whole in their head…” Loved A Million Miles….

            I just wish someone would write a book that I can share with those who are looking for help – and not a fix. Fortunately, someone just commented on my post with a recommendation that looks promising so I think I’ll go check that book out.

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          2. Just a heads up, I really don’t plan on going back and forth. For sure about my grandma! Yes for Lewis, it was quite a hilarious and satirical description in Mere Christianity. He’s my top influence besides Jesus and my first pastor.
            I’ve passed the book by as many different theological and personal leanings as I could, and did not hear back about triggers. Yet I understand that it will not be for everyone, and that’s okay. 🙂 My hope is you will still find anything useful within the book, or that I could point you to better resources.
            I would recommend Craig Gross’s works Pure Eyes and Eyes of Integrity. I can’t fully recall if he had triggers in there, but his work was highly instrumental in helping me quit porn.

            Liked by 1 person

  3. Addiction can be defined as a behavior that an individual feels compelled to act upon. People often become addicted to substances that alter one’ perceptions, such as alcohol and drugs. While such behaviors can have extremely detrimental effects on a person’s life, they are in themselves habit forming and the cessation of an addiction can be quite traumatic.

    Addiction is a disease that has cost many people their families, their friends and their livelihoods. While the pain of experiencing the disease that is addiction is profound, many people do not know that there is a real path to recovery and that path begins with a choice. A choice to take one’s life back.
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  4. SO REAL. SO RAW. SO HONEST. SO TRUE.

    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THIS OPENLY WITH US PASTOR PARK !

    GOD BLESS YOU !

    ”the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak…” ( I don’t ever want to ever have to say this, just to lessen my guilty feelings afterwards. . .

    Like

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