Archives For sex addict

Cutting It Off


Here’s my newest book on breaking porn addiction!
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QE2M6N2

This is a very short e-book about how I overcame a fifteen year porn addiction. I’ve now been sober for over three. Whether you’re helping a friend or struggling yourself, regardless of gender or faith, this is how to quit porn: not just for weeks at a time, but for good.

Only $2.99! And you won’t need a Kindle, it works on everything.
Be blessed and love y’all!
— J.S.


Anonymous asked:

Hi pastor, I went 11 days without pornography/masturbation. I faltered last night and gave in. The temptation was too strong not only emotionally but very physically.  I could not help it. I prayed for it to go away because I really do want to stop but … I’m stuck and starting to think God isn’t going to help me out. So all I’ve been doing is praying for forgiveness. But since I’ve done this vicious cycle so many times I don’t know if I’m actually forgiven, because I don’t actually know if I’m truly sorry because I’ve been through this so many times … I’m just stumped and don’t know where to go from here, I just want all temptation to go away.

Hey there dear friend.  Thank you so much for your honesty and for even trusting me with such a huge issue.

Please first allow me the grace to link a post that contains every other post I’ve written on porn:

- Mega-Post: Struggling With Porn (Again)

I have to say upfront that you are still just as loved by God as you were yesterday, a billion years ago, and a billion years from now.  I know I’m probably not supposed to say that because it can accidentally make Christians “lazy,” but it’s true.  Whether you decide to receive His grace for good or for bad, either way He still loves you.  That’s the most important thing I could say, and it’s the only motivation strong enough to keep us moving forward from sin towards Him.

You also need to know that fighting sin is a process.  Sometimes it is lifelong.  It’s not something that we can just “pray away” or will disappear one day.  It gets easier to handle, but we will be in battle with our flesh until glory.

After we mess up, we often only look at the tiny microscopic moment of what just happened.  But God sees us over a lifetime.  He knows if you really want to quit, if you are truly repenting, if you are really pursuing Him.  And the crazy thing is: even if you never regretted it, He will still love you.  If you can know His heart this way, then suddenly it’s not about quitting anymore.  Instead, it’s about knowing Him. 

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Two anons asked:

- Hi! I enjoy reading your blog and I know you have battled a porn addiction. I have a few questions. How do you feel about people who are battling against a porn addiction while dating? Do you think that person could have a genuinely Christ-centered, Godly and healthy relationship? Or is it bound to fail? Would it be okay for the guy to take a break so he figures things out for himself? What is the role of the girl in this? Is she able to do anything at all?

- I’m engaged to someone who claims to be Christian but I’m starting to feel as though he is not. We agree on almost everything except for the issue on whether watching porn is okay … He just wants me to be okay with it, that way he doesn’t feel guilty. So my question is, is watching porn wrong? …What biblical evidence is there that I can give him? I really pray that he would want to change but if not I don’t think I can marry someone with this problem.

 

If you would’ve asked me this question a few years ago, I would’ve said:

“What are you thinking, ladies? Dump that dude right now! Any man who can’t give up something for you ain’t no man at all.”

To some degree, I still agree with this. If it’s not serious or you just started dating, then please do NOT feel obligated to stay.  You deserve better. If you’re looking for an excuse to stay with this guy because he’s cute in the face or you’re afraid to be alone: then you already know that won’t be enough down the line. 

But in my growing compassion for people, I know how difficult it is to defeat porn in an over-sexualized culture.  I know how screwed up we are to think that “porn is the norm.” 

As much as I sound like a cranky old man, today sex is like shaking hands and human trafficking is barely blinked at.  This is our world now: a culture of deep apathy that is unavoidably ingrained.

While this doesn’t absolve any man’s destructive behavior, it does give me more of a heart to work with them and resolve the root issues.  It helps explain why men shrug it off.

 

Maybe you’ve been told to dump the guy on the spot, and that could be good advice — but battling porn is a lifelong struggle for all men today.  It’s unrealistic to think you’ll meet some guy who has never struggled with it. 

I also know how hard it is to just break up with someone if you’re engaged or it’s very serious.  Certainly we should never be afraid to break off a relationship that is abusive or a deadbeat, but porn is something you both could overcome together with patience and persistence.  It’s not always a deal-breaker.

While you might find the perfect porn-less guy, I think we can realistically say: Every woman will now have to openly, honestly, aggressively talk about lust with their future husbands in an era where porn is so freely available.  This has to be a daily truthful dialogue where the man must be able to freely express himself without shame or a fear of retaliation.

But first, let’s talk about what will happen if the guy says, “I just want you to be okay with my porn.”

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Cutting It Off: Your Brain On Porn

Hello beloved Tumblr friends!

This is the fourth part in the series “Cutting It Off: Quitting Porn Addiction.”

[Parts one and two are here.  Part three is here.]

 

In this episode –

The science of porn addiction, three things that porn does to your brain, rewiring your brain cells, a clip from the TED Conference, fighting a Taco Bell culture, and a response to an anonymous hate mail.

 

Download directly here or stream here. (18 minutes in length)

To read more about porn and your brain (including the rest of my blog series on porn), click here.

Love y’all!

— J.S.


Anonymous asked:

You said you were an ex porn addict; how did you overcome this addiction, and when did you realize it was too much of an addiction to where it affected your life?

 [Warning: This post might be slightly graphic.]

 

A few years ago, if someone had told me I was “addicted” to porn, I might have laughed in their face.  I would say, “It’s only every once in a while” — even though it was almost everyday.

I secretly always knew that porn was a problem, that it was degrading, and that it was totally frying my brain.  No one really needs to be told that “porn is bad” — even if you didn’t know nearly all of it’s made by human trafficking, you still know it’s got a stranglehold on your spirit.

Not every porn addict is an addict, but many of us use enough to be totally damaged.  Even the most “casual” of users are relationally screwed up.

The word “addiction” is very loaded and I only use it to convey the weight of the problem, so it’s probably better to call it a porn affliction.  Pretty much anyone who uses porn, even occasionally, will run into issues or already have them.

I knew porn was affecting me because:

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The Great Porn Experiment, by Gary Wilson

This is a fascinating talk about the destructive effects of internet porn.

Completely worth the sixteen minutes.

The highlight is near the middle to end, showing the sudden positive effects of quitting porn.


For my podcast series Cutting It Off on quitting porn addiction, click here.

For my post on how porn affects the brain, click here.




Cutting It Off: The How – Specific Steps To Quit Porn

This is the third part in the series “Cutting It Off.” In this episode, I answer three anonymous questions about the specific steps to quit porn.

Download directly here or stream it here.
(12 minutes in length)

 

For this entire podcast series, click here.

You can read my blog post series on porn addiction here.

Love y’all!

— J.S.





Hello loved ones!
This is the start of a new podcast series about your first few weeks quitting porn.

There are two parts! Download them from the podcast here.

7 Day Fast Challenge – And The Moment Right After You Fall
The second after you fall to temptation, dealing with triggers, breaking cycles of guilt, and the self-aware confidence. 7 minutes.
Download directly here.

Your First Week Off Porn
Expecting withdrawal symptoms, making porn-appointments, Christianese cover-ups, getting gritty with God, and the first step forward with a friend. 12 minutes.
Download directly here.



You can also check out my blog post series on porn addiction here.



Please share your testimony and questions below!
Or email me at pastorjspark@gmail.com

Also check out my Facebook page here!



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Due to requests, I’ll be updating the podcast with a series called “Cutting It Off: Your First Week Off Porn.” 

Each part of the series will be five to ten minutes, detailing the first few weeks of quitting porn and what challenges to expect. I’ll go into specifics about my own journey and how to keep sober.  Whether you are struggling or you have a struggling friend, I pray this will help you and give you hope.

The first part will land this week.  In the meantime, you can check out my blog post series on porn addiction here.

Love you guys!

– J





Jimmy Needham being very open about his former addiction.

Worth the four minutes to watch. I love his opening line.

If only more pastors and Christian artists were this transparent.

Also check out his recent hit song, totally digging it:




Further reading:
- Porn Addiction: An Introduction
- Question: Fighting Porn For The Last Time (Again)
- Testimonies: Victory Over Porn
- Question: How Did You Quit Porn?


Anonymous asked:

Hey! I came across your blog a few days ago and I couldn’t be more grateful. I’m just going to get to it, I cannot stop watching porn :( … I cannot tell anyone, not my parents … The stuff you’ve put up to help with these sort of things firstly it is only referring to males, what about females? I’m asking that in the nicest possible way btw. Some of the stuff you do I could never do. As a third year uni student, I need the internet and my computer almost everytime … I’ve been listening to your podcasts too, they’re great to tell you the truth! Dude, you should’ve been a youth pastor at my Church or something. Okay so I’ll shut it now, didn’t mean to go on like this – how embarrassing.

(Edited for length, and I made you anonymous just in case)


My friend, thank you for messaging me and I appreciate your honesty.  I also appreciate your kind encouragement. 

Please allow me to humble myself and admit: I’m not exactly qualified to speak on women’s struggle with pornography (nor do I have any special qualification to speak on porn addiction at all).  However, I do think some basics are in play with any kind of addiction, and the same strategies can overcome it as well.

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Anonymous asked:

It has been almost 3 years since I recommitted my life to Christ. During those years I hung unto the promise that God would send me a husband when the time was right and all I had to do was delight in the work of the Lord and serve him, so that stopped me from masturbating and having sex. Recently … I feel tied to this sin again. How can I break free? Also do you think that I’ve somehow thwarted my blessings? I’ve noticed how much God had blessed me when I was serving Him and I don’t want to lose that connection I had with Him.  (edited)


First, before I go into any kind of lecture-mode or theological monologues, I really want to commend you on your total honesty here.  Most people would never half-admit this sort of thing even anonymously, so you’re stepping in the right direction.

So please understand, my dear friend, that ANY kind of bargain with God is not a good idea.  While I do believe that God blesses obedience to Him, the most important blessing that God gives is Himself

If you’re trying to obey Him in hopes that He’ll give you a husband, that’s already an upside-down-sideways-backwards negotiation that could end in bitter disappointment.  It’s essentially like those parody skits where someone says, “God, I’ll totally serve you if you totally do this for me.” 

Telling God “This-or-else” even when it’s not in those words is only going to hurt you.  Not because God is doing the hurting, but because you’re setting yourself up with unrealistic expectations that the Word does not promise.

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Anonymous asked:

I would understand if you declined, but could you tell me how you recovered from pornography addiction? And if so, what made you decide to stop? Do you think your friends and family were affected by your addictions? I’m working on publishing the stories of pornography addicts and the effects on themselves and others. Thank you very much.


Here are some posts where you might find some of the answers:

- Porn Addiction: An Introduction – Also has links to seven part series

- Fighting Porn For The Last Time (Again) – Also has links to answered questions about porn


How did you recover?

It first had to begin with confession. I told my roommate everything. He was shocked; we prayed, cried, talked into the night. He became my “accountability partner.”

I went all out. Cut off most sources of internet, put a filter on my computer, had X3Watch set up so my roommate knew what I was looking at, always left my door open (including the bathroom during showers), started openly talking about my addiction, read everything I could on porn addiction and recovery, and ran out the house when the urge struck.

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Anonymous:
I was addicted to pornography for 9 years. And I sometimes struggle with it, but I can rest assured it’s not an addiction anymore. And I’m a female.

Amen, sister! Thank you for sharing this. You’re proof that despite the struggle, we can beat the addiction and move on to better. Here’s to more and more victory in Him.

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When I get questions about fighting for “sexual purity,” I always check out your blog. 

Usually the blog is full of half-naked women, toned up hairless dudes, almost-but-not-quite-but-could-be-porn, and some suggestive-raunchy-provocative imagery. Always a slew of oily tanned celebrities.  Plus plenty of dirty jokes, anti-parent slurs, and all kinds of entitled, angry, spoiled, insufferable memes.

In other words, I would never ever in a billion years let you near my future kids.

If you’re seriously asking about how to fight for holiness — well, hey, like: shouldn’t you actually get serious about that?

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Edit: November 16th, 2014
– There will be an e-book with all the material on quitting porn, updated and edited, in the first week of December 2014. It will be $2.99 on Amazon!

An ongoing discussion about victory over sexual addiction.

The introduction here.

Part One, excuses and myths, here.

Part Two, the science, here.

Part Three, the soul, here.

Part Three and a half, the soul, here.

Part Four: I’m Ready To Cut It Off. Here.

Part Five: Quitting Isn’t Enough. Here.

Unless you’re in denial, you don’t just use porn when you’re “bored.”

A life overwhelmed, a mind undisciplined, and a heart calloused will find the quickest path to escape, and for men that’s usually going to their room with the lights off and pants down and laptop open. In that private dark space where at last you’re in control, that’s when you’ve lost it the most.

There’s a mess of reasons you turn to it and can’t seem to stop, and unless we dig through the cycle together, you’ll only be scratching the surface with behavioral clean-up. Triggers, trauma, upbringing, worldviews, and your sense of self-worth will all play into why you use porn.

It’s never about the porn. Let’s dig deep.

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An ongoing discussion about victory over sexual addiction.

The introduction here.

Part Two, the science, here.

Part Three, the soul, here.

Part Three and a half, the soul, here.

Part Four: I’m Ready To Cut It Off. Here.

I call myself a recovering porn addict, but I’m much more than that.

When we identify ourselves by what we are not, we hardly know where we are going. When you finally quit porn and you’re cheering your new journey and sharing with people who are rooting for you, then when you fall again it can be even more devastating than before.

I thought I had this, you might say. And it’s back to binging, self-loathing, and might-as-well resignation to your addiction.

What happens to so many Christians is not a spiritual downfall to lukewarmness, but an incomplete picture of God’s Epic Story.

We are saved by His Grace — but that’s not the end. We are saved from something towards something better.

And if you want even half a chance of defeating porn — of sin and Satan and the grave itself — you’ll need to know not only what you’re called from, but what you’re called to.

So then, three things you must know in destroying your porn addiction once and for all.

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Edit: The conclusion is here.

Hello blogger friends!

Just letting you know that Part Five of the Quitting Porn series will be posting on Monday, March 12th.  I’m praying that even a few words written there will be helpful in our fight together.  It probably won’t be the last post on it and I’ll always take questions.

It hasn’t been easy talking about a fifteen-year addiction but I’m grateful for all your interest. Thanks for the prayers, support, and encouragement.

Here’s the introduction. All the other parts are linked there. After Monday, it will total seven parts.  I’m prayerfully considering to make it a book.

God bless you, friends! Let’s fight with God and kick the crap out of Satan, together.

You all are like a second church to me. Love you guys.




A testimony from Mark Driscoll’s website by Jake Johnson, a staff member of Mars Hill Church.

Excerpt:

“If you are struggling with porn, the first step to recovery is to be truthful with yourself about your sin, and the second step is being truthful both with God and with those whom you love, including your church.

“… I took my wife to lunch and confessed my sins against her and how I had hid my sinful and idolatrous addiction to porn from her for over six years.

“It was the most fearful moment of my life—and the most freeing. For the first time in our marriage, my wife knew who I really was and I no longer needed to spend so much time and energy worrying about whether she’d find out. Rather than fight the battle alone, I was now able to make restitution and have my wife and my church community fight with me.”

Continue Reading at Mark Driscoll’s Site


Read Related:
– Porn Addiction: An Introduction
– Question: Quit Porn, But What About Masturbating?a>
– Question: So Porn Is A Sin?
– Question: Porn Killed My Feelings For God, Now What?
– Question: Just used porn, what do I do?


Anonymous asked:
I’ve read your series about pornography and it has been a huge help to me. I am not joking when I say you have a way of conveying things. I was wondering if you have any similar type of advice with masturbation? For me, pornography was easier to quit because I can avoid triggers. But with masturbation it seems like no matter how serious I tell myself I am about it, I fall into it again. It doesn’t even matter what my mood is. It is getting so frustrating that I am getting dangerously depressed

Thanks for encouraging. I understand your struggle, trust me on that.  I’ve read stories of guys sent to those prison-therapy ranches with no access to anything and they still found ways to indulge themselves. Dudes can get off on tractors because there’s no end to the depravity of man.

One thing we get from the Bible is that God doesn’t just change what you do, he changes what you want to do.  Your thought-life, your motives, the loop of self-talk you play over and over, your mood and desires and passions.  Some of us can easily quit porn, but it’s never been about the porn.  Some of us can even quit masturbating, but still aggressively seek pleasure in illegitimate ways.  There’s the tip of your iceberg, and then there’s the iceberg.

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