Anonymous asked:
In one of your earlier blog posts, you mentioned that biblical community is an integral part of your struggle with depression. What if you don’t have that community? I feel estranged from my home Church due to some relational conflicts this past year. I feel so much fear, anxiety and hurt being in my Church community. I’ve been asked if I would consider switching churches, yet I feel called to stay and serve. Would God intentionally isolate you from community to ‘force’ us to rely on Him more?
Dear friend: I’m really sorry you feel this way in your current church community. It’s very unfortunate and just straight wrong. Please believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel right now, more than I’d like to admit.
I have a friend who is in a similar predicament and I keep suggesting to her to consider changing churches, but she is highly reluctant because she feels “called” and “committed.” She thinks it will get better: and that’s very possible.
On one hand, I admire the commitment to stick with a church through the hard times. I attended the same church for thirteen years and was officially on staff for four years. I’ve probably wanted to leave a billion times, but I didn’t — because I wanted to be loyal. I love the people I serve. No one should ever leave a church just on a whim or nitpick or emotional motive. It’s a big deal.
But on the other hand, sometimes a commitment like this is just stubbornness. It can be almost a prideful thing to play the violin while the ship is sinking, and it’s possible God wants to work through you elsewhere in an even better capacity.
When you say that God put you in this place to “rely on Him more,” I would really back that up like way up. I believe the general stance of God is that He wants us to rely on Him always, even with our pitiful feeble stumbles of half-crumbled faith, but I do NOT believe that God will put you in a church where you’re forced to feel this way apart from His people. Something is very wrong with that.
Church can’t be the place that creates your struggle while at the same time alienating you to be able to deal with it. Think of how crazy that is.
If the conflicts are petty and in the past, you should be able to move forward no matter how sloppy it looks. Even if the conflicts are huge dramatic soap operas, Jesus calls us to a love that is larger than life. Somehow an attempt should be in progress to knit the Body of Christ with honesty.
I’ve said before: the church is called to be God’s powerful force for good in the universe. God works through imperfect people to minister to imperfect people, and that will be a messy, rugged, uphill, frustrating journey. But it’s a journey together. Please talk to someone there about your feelings and see if there can be a way forward on this. Try by the grace of God to safely reconcile with those you got in a mess with. If none of your efforts pan out in a Christ-like way, then start praying for a new place to continue your Kingdom work.
God does want you to rely on Him more, but that doesn’t only mean for you to endure a beatdown. It also means for His holistic wisdom to make the tough choices and decide what is best. Maybe you’ll make it through this season; maybe God will call you to a new one. I’ll throw you a prayer.
This helped me so much. I am currently leaving a ministry that I thought I would be committed to, but because of a past situation and due to my own failures, I hurted people in the ministry. By his grace, I have somewhat reconciled with them. A part of me wanted to stay because I was “Supposed to be loyal.” Only finding that I lack loyalty towards Jesus. So I thought that if I left the ministry that it meant, I was no longer committed to Jesus. I was wrestling so much, but this post has really helped. Glory to God.
I have been brutalized by the institutional church (and its “loyalists”) more than many people can imagine, but have always been connected to the true Body of Christ, people who live by faith and love, not law and power. Yes, you must be connected to others of faith, but a group in a building is not the only way!
Also, sometimes God might alienate us (briefly). As a teenager I reached the point that NO one cared for me. It was the first time God entered my world, and touched my shoulder. When I turned around Jesus simply said, “I love you!” I had replaced radical life with Christ with people (all of them good people, by the way) and God is a God who does not tolerate rivals. Those few days seemed like hell, but heaven was behind it, and was a pivotal turning point in my life. Maybe, repeat maybe, it’s a life classroom for you.
Be Blessed!!
After reading some of your comments, I totally feel for you about the institutional church and I’m sorry you had to go through some rough patches. Certainly no church is perfect and not every church is for every person — but grace is always the first casualty of religion. I want to also be careful that I’m not yelling “Pharisee” every chance I get, because as a good pastor once said, there’s still grace for those who mishandle grace. I believe you’re one of many who is entering the authentic church era, while at the same time not feeling superior over “less authentic” churches.
That is what I pray I can be, a candle on a menorah. I also agree, harsh judgment against others without careful study and loads of love can lead to log pulling from a slivered eye!