What exactly does it mean to lust? Is making out consider lust?
Well, you certainly picked the right dude to ask. Besides anger, lust has been the downright most annoying sin I’ve had the non-pleasure of struggling with. I’d say that’s true for most dudes who have that other issue called breathing.
Lust is the spiritual basis of adultery (non-legit sexual surrender outside marriage) and it kickstarts the whole fantasy scenario where you try to make your porn-infested dreams into a reality. Lusting after someone is hijacking them into your mind for a single purpose — against their will. Sort of like rape.
Since Jesus equated adultery with lust, and adultery is the physical/willful surrender of your body outside of God’s ordained marriage, then lust is really the spiritual/willful surrender of your sexual desire outside marriage.
Within marriage, that surrender of sexual desire is a loving trust. It’s how God designed it for our joy and His glory. Outside marriage, it’s objectifying, non-committed, desperate, and if you read the news, ultimately a statistical nightmare.
To lust on someone outside marriage is always to objectify them and to objectify yourself, because you’re diminishing both of you to flesh-only animals of instinct. In order to “not lust,” you’ll need to replace even the root of that thinking: that people are God’s creation and not your playtoys, and you get to know people by looking them in the eye and actually talking with them. If you can’t do that, there’s a fundamental issue with the way you see people.
All that to say, if you’re making out with someone who isn’t your spouse, not only are you making out with someone else’s spouse, but you’re inevitably hitting the lust button. They’re an object to make you feel good for a moment.
It doesn’t matter how much you “like” this person — which is currently influenced by hormones, Hollywood, and our poor Pavlovian response to sexual arousal — because if you actually liked them, you’d get to know them without needing all that as a crutch for interaction. Self-discipline is fun when you do it out of love.
If you’re legitimately dating someone — praying, parents know, pastors know, for marriage, waiting for the best sex in marriage ever — then kissing is more or less okay. But probably not more or less than what his or her parents could stand to watch if they watched. It’s easier to imagine if you’re the parent; that’s when it makes sense. Think about that the next time.